and we can have fun times together that the romance could rebuild itself??
Visitor's Question from a 16-20 year old Female
Okay I just wrote in a question a few days ago, I was the one who wrote that my boyfriend broke up with me after 2 years and 8 months and hasn't been calling me but says he wants to be friends. Well I called him and asked him straight out (in a nice way) if he wanted to be friends, and if he was just being nice by saying that, because if he really doesnt want to be then I dont want to be more hurt by trying to be his friend. And he replied "Of course I want to be friends, why wouldn't I?" and I told him because he doesnt call me...and he said he really is busy (and I know he is, he works full time, is in 2 bands, plus has his own music project, and in hockey) and has said many times that I am still his absolute best friend in the world, and he could never cut me out of his life. He has told me its just hard for him to call me and hear my voice, and that hes also scared of someone else answering (like my parents). He also says to call him whenever I want, and I said I felt like I was bothering him and he said of course not. So knowing this I have some more questions.
I have read a lot of other questions on your site, in my opinion where ex's are on much worse terms than my ex and I, where you say to keep being friends and keep the communication open and things could happen. When we have hung out we have gotten along well, a little awkward at first but still joking and laughing. When we broke up, he said that he still loves me and everything but has just been stressed out lately. So my question is, that do you think if I keep remaining frieds with him, and show him how much I have improved things about myself (since I didnt realize what I was doing wrong until he told me when we broke up), and we can have fun times together that the romance could rebuild itself?? I know that if we keep hanging out he will always have feelings for me, I wont go into details on why but I know him very well. So is it just a matter of showing him that we could be happy together again??
Also, I am good friends with one of his other ex girlfriends. They had been really serious too, and had broken up a few times in their relationship. She told me that he would always flirt with her while they were broken up and they would always end up back together, and that when he had decided it was over for good with her he had stopped flirting completely and thats how she knew it was over. So I keep thinking the fact that he still flirts with me, and very obviously, means that he is still confused because I'm pretty sure he knows he will lead me on if he flirts. He also does things like walk me to my door and open doors for me, and talk to me a lot different than he talks to anyone, including his other ex's. He even asked me when we went to the movies if he was paying for me. (but I said I'd pay my own). You told me to accept it that it is over. The only thing is, my friend talked to him and told him how I keep holding on, and to tell me once and for all if there is a chance or not for us, so I could move on because she doesnt want to see me keep hurting. So he talked to me, and he said maybe one day. He would not tell me its over for good. Then he said "You will always be My ____ (my name)" which was his pet name for me, and mine for him was "My ___ (his name)" too.
So, is trying to rekindle anything a good idea?? I really feel like I can't give up so easily, and would regret not trying my hardest and letting go of true love. I'd wait for him as long as it takes because he's worth waiting for.
Thanx for your advice!!
With this new input, my advice is now different.
He seems to really care for you a lot and is just busy and nervous about calling you. This was the main reason I thought it was over. But turns out that I was wrong. Lucky you!
So you should do what you suggested and keep things going with him because who knows what may happen next? Since he is so busy, try not to take up too much of his time until he is ready for more. Could be that he is just stressed out by trying to do too much. And, keep trying to work on the things he found wrong with you... but only if you agree that they are faults.
Glad to hear that things are working out for you!
-- from George
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com