But 3 weeks ago, he decided he wanted to break up
Visitor's Question from a 16-20 year old Female
Okay this may be long, so bear with me.
Well, my ex-boyfriend and I had been dating for about 2 years and 8 months. I am now almost 19 and he is nearly 21. When we met, the attraction was instant. We were both dating other people, but both really liked eachother. After a few months, we both were out of our relationships and started to see eachother. The bond between us was amazing and we grew so fast. We feel completely head over heals in love. He would always tell me how I was different than anyone he had ever met, and would do things like write me sweet letters saying all the things he loved about me. Over the years, we became absolute best friends. We talked about marriage, our children, where we would live and how we would work out out jobs, we even planned our pets. We were inseperable. We could talk about anything to eachother, and I could always depend on him for anything. He was the sweetest guy I had ever met. We both believed that eachother was "the One". He even gave me a promise ring, and told me he would always love me no matter what. After about 10 months, I lost my virginity to him. At the time, I told him that I only wanted to give that to my soul mate, and he understood. He has alwasy respected me more than any guy I have ever met, and hes different than any guy I've ever known. I love him with all my heart, and he would always tell me things like he loves me more than anything in the world and would do absolutely anything for me.
Well, about 7 months ago, he told me he was starting to have feelings for someone else. Devastated, I left him. But he would keep telling me he loved me, etc. I wanted to work things out with him, but he said he couldnt be in a relationship if he was thinking about someone else, but he still loved me. We were broken up for 9 days. Then he kissed me one day and asked if I could forgive him. He said he realized how stupid he was, and it took the break up for him to realize how much he truly loved me, and was depressed without me, and couldnt understand what he even saw in the other girl. Well, for 7 months, things were wonderful. He would talk about how he hopes one day we could declare our love eternally (marriage vows). But 3 weeks ago, he decided he wanted to break up. He said that he hadnt been happy lately and that he was confused. I got really mad, because I found out he had lied to me one night and went out with his friends and ditched me, saying he had to go to work. I yelled and hit him and ran off, and we were over. Now, I really want to work things out with him. I love him so much and am completely devastated. Just days before, we sat down and planned out our whole summer. We had just finished school, and a few days before he made me sit down with him and plan a vacation to Niagra Falls a month from now, saying he was so excited. We were perfect, or at least I thought so. We had all these plans, and I was going through some rough times, and he would say "well you still have me, I'm not going anywhere" and then all of a sudden its like he just changed his mind out of nowhere.
I asked for a chance, and that I'm sorry and love him, but he said he just cant right now. He said he still loves me but is not in that relationship mindset and maybe one day we can work it out, but he doesnt know for sure. He said hes still my best friend and is there whenever I need him. THe thing is, he wont call or write me. I am always the one doing the calling, and he says hes just busy. So I have told him that I cant be friends if its only going one way, but he insists that I'm still his best friend even if it doesnt seem like it. We hung out last week, and he was very flirty. He gave me a back massage cuz it hurt, and touched me a lot. He also gave me huge hugs out of nowhere. But since then, he hasnt called or anything. If we talk, its cuz I call him. We are supposed to hang out again in a couple days, because I called him and asked him to. I am so confused. He seems to be giving me mixed signals. I talk to my friends about it and some say he just seems confused and to keep trying, others say it seems like its over for good. I dont know what to do. Is there a chance? I am also not sure if I should call off the friendship too, cuz it seems so one way and like he doesnt even care about me right now.
Can you help me please? I am so lost and devastated, I know I am young but still believe that he is my true soulmate and can't believe he would just give up after so much we had together. I honestly cant even believe this is happening! I know it was true love, so how could it just end? I also know the mistakes I made which made him unhappy, although I didnt realize it at the time. (I had mood swings, etc). But I never knew he was unhappy so I feel like I never had a chance to work on it. I know I could, but I dont know how to make him believe that he could be happy with me. Please help!
Sometimes you just have to admit it is over.
From the sound of things you say that is the case here. It is unfortunate that he didn't give you a very good reason for breaking up, but it was nice of him to remain friends.
When you were together as friends and he was flirty, it was probably just a reflex action from the old days mixed with sympathy and guilt for how you were feeling.
The real story is that he never calls you. Since you are meeting again, it would be good to tell him that if he never calls you then it can't be a friendship and ask him how he feels about that. Perhaps he will understand how you feel if he has to answer that question.
I'm so sorry you are in this situation,
-- from George
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com