I started having these dreams that M and K were having sex.
Visitor's Question from a 31-40 year old Female
I'm 34 my boyfriend is 33. (We will call him K)We have been together for almost five years. I have been married twice before. Both of them where liar's and cheaters. One had a child with my own sister. He was married one time. I was friends with his ex-wife first. He lived in his own place but was kind a still seeing her, I guess for a booty call as she put it. We had a threesome one night and after that we just started seeing each other from then on out. He said he never really loved her anyway, he was just there for there kid. He got her pregnant the first time they had sex. K pumps gas as an additional job. At this job of course there is girls that work there and such. When he first started there, there was this particular girl that I kept getting weird vibes from when he was around her. I have to pick him up from work so every time I pulled in he was still in the store part talking to her, it upset me. Not that he was talking to her, but the vibes I felt. I questioned him about, why he is always around talking to her and stuff. And told him the vibes I got, he said "no way-(meaning about her), dear I love you". He also said "I would never do that to you". So after time went on about a month or so, he started talking about how she is a narc and stuff like that. Well the vibes started to go away and he wasn't hanging around her much anymore either. I didn't worry anymore. Now this other girl (we will call her M)She started working there. She was real nice to me and K. Me and her became friends I thought. Every time I would go there to drop him off or pick him up, she would rush right over to talk to me. She even invited me to her wedding. I didn't go. She just got married, but her husband of only 4 months and only has known him for 8 months is always sick and ending up in the hospital. He has something wrong with his stomach. I would say we have know each other for several months now. But we never see each other other then when she is working and I go to K's work. She is always working when K is working. I had to go on a trip to another state. I waited at K's work until I had to leave so everyone new I was leaving. I was gone 4 days. I left saturday, got back tuesday night. It took me 9 hours to drive there. I didn't get there until sunday early the next morning about 2:00am. I called to let him know I made it. He never answered the phone. I screamed on the answering machine, witch is in our room for him to answer the phone, he didn't. He called me the next morning about 9:00am. I asked him why he didn't answer the phone he said cause he was sleeping. What if something would have happened? That made me upset. So the same thing happened the next night I wasn't able to call him until late, he didn't answer the phone. Again I screamed into the answering machine, nothing. He said he was sleeping, he is to use to hearing the phone ring and will sleep threw it. I don't think so! When I got back I really didn't pay any attention to how close M and K got until a couple of weeks ago. I had to go pick K up from work but, I was running late I had my sister in the car and her groceries. I had to drop her and them off before I could get him. So I stopped by his work to tell him, I would be right back after doing that. M jumped right in to the conversation and said she would give K a ride home, "her words" hubby's in the hospital but he can wait. He excepted the ride. So I pulled off and told my sister, I felt something weird between those two, she said so did I. So we started talking about how he didn't answer the phone and such that night I was gone, she went with me. My sister is a HUGE flirt and such with guys. She said if anyone knows I do and I know when a chick likes a guy and she likes K. I got kind a upset about him hitching a ride with her since he would have only waited 10 min. or so for me. So after that the next time I went to his work M didn't even talk to me she only waved shortly and went on. I asked him why she didn't talk to me he said I don't know. After that a couple of nights went on. I started having these dreams that M and K where having sex. Two nights in a row exact dreams. I told K about the dreams I was having he said should I tell her I said "no way". But he did. I asked him why he told her he said "I don't know". We got into a big fight, He got mad said he was tired of hearing about M for the last couple of weeks, He loves me, he would never do that to me. I asked him what she said when he told her of the dreams, she supposably said No f***in way. Then he asked me if the dreams went away. We went to a party the next night and I was still angry because of all this. And I just don't think everything fits. We got into another fight I asked him again why he told her about the dreams he said this time, because he thought it was funny. But now the next day I went to get gas at his work she was working. I had to pick up his check. She barley said two words to me, she couldn't look in my eyes, she didn't ask me about the dreams. She changed her hair she wheres it up in a pony all the time, today it was down and curly. When she brought his check to me she made fun of his middle name. He even told me the coworker guys asked him if there was something going on between him and her. He said, he told them he wouldn't do that to me. I don't know what to think, I'm frustrated. Is there something going on?Did something happen, when I was gone? Will I ever find out the truth? It has been about a week since all this has been going on. Today she is working the same hours he is. He really made sure he looked good today before going to work. He shaved, asked me how it looked and said he couldn't wear his rings because his fingers are swollen? Help?
You have to have trust for a relationship to be good and last.
You don't have much trust for K. You need to work on building up trust with him. The way to do that is to have good conversations with him where you both are calm and rational. It seems like you have been doing that already. So keep on having discussions as long as the problems bugs you but don't sound angry or desperate.
Meanwhile tune out M since K says he doesn't have any special feelings for her. You will only make things worse by becoming her enemy so go out of your way to be friendly to her.
So, my advice is to stay cool and give K the benefit of the doubt.
-- from George
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com