Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Male
My girlfriend and I been together in a serious relationship for almost two years now.
I donít why, but I always had this intuition that she never really broke up with her previous boyfriend when we first started dating. In the beginning I had asked her if she had a boyfriend and if she did, was it over between them, she said yes.
Well I think 8 months into the relationship, I decided to check her e-mails (I know it was the wrong thing to do). I found that the first few months of our relationship, she was still in contact with this previous guy (who was overseas), and from the e-mails it did not look like she ended the relationship with him. I was so furious at that time wanted to confront her about it. The only thing I did was ask her if she did really break up with him when we first got together, and again she lied to me. I let go of the issue even though I knew she lied. You see she was the best thing that had ever happened to me and I was so afraid to kill the relationship by pushing it. So I kept it to myself and pretended nothing ever happened. After all it did not look like she contacted him anymore. 12 months into the relationship we had a very big fight. For some reason I decided to check her computer again and found she had sent photos of herself to this previous guy. She some how figured out that I was snooping around with her computer but I denied it. I thought that was the end of that situation, but things started to degrade between us. Over the last two months she some how changed. She was picking fights with me over silly things, ignoring me, had a defensive attitude, saying nasty things to me, even though I was still sweet and nice to her. So I asked her what the problem was and if she wanted to continue this relationship. She kept going on how she did not know what she wanted anymore. Last week we had another fight and she said something has been eating her up inside of her and did not know if she wanted to continue this relationship. I decided to come clean about snooping through her e-mail. She said she had an idea that I did that and that is why she was acting the way she did over the last two months. She said to me that If I had known this all this while why I never confronted her. I told her my reasons why I did not want to confront her, because I did not want to loose her. She said she could not trust me anymore, and she could not be with anyone she could not trust. So she dumped me. My only thought is this, canít she see I was willing to over look it, so I could be with her. It has been a week, since she dumped me. Is there a way I can make it up to her? Her main reason of breaking it off with me is trust. How can I gain back her trust? Advice
I think she is walking on you.

You were extremely in the wrong to go through her email, but she was equally as wrong to continue a relationship with another guy and not tell you.

So the trust issue goes both ways. You might have told her that you were breaking up with her because you couldn't trust her.

But, the reality is that you want her back. Promise her that you will never invade her privacy again. That should be the main thrust of your plea. If she is going to go for anything that will be it.

Assure her that you still love her and need her. She needs to hear that and believe it.

Those two actions should help her understand and trust you again.

Good luck!

-- from George
One of Your Friendly Advisors at

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It falls on me

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