Can we save our broken relationship?

Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Male
I was with my g/f for 5 years. I am 25 she is 20. She comes from a bad home. Dad cheated on Mom with a prostitute. Anyway I loved taking care of her and making her happy. In the past 5 yrs she has cheated on me, Mentally and physically abused me. 2 trips to the hospital. One for my eye that she almost knocked out and one for her 2 fingers she broke hitting the wall instead of my face by accident.

We still had a connection and I stuck with her despite her actions. For the last year I decided to give it my all. We went on vacations (2) I bought her diamonds.. Everything was wonderful or so I thought. I always seemed to have this feeling of anger for what she did to me. The cheating and abuse.

I ran into some tough times and she wasn't there for me at all. Well I found someone who was and for a few weeks started talking to someone else. My ex doesn't know about it but suspected. Anyway she left me b/c of an argument. Instead of trying to figure me out she left only to try and come back a month and a half later!!!! I shut her out she left me dam it!!! Why should I talk to her!!! The only problem is now I miss her and want to be with her again. Why why why can't i get over her!!!! Please help Advice
First, it definitely sounds like many things were wrong with your relationship to start with. She came into the relationship with issues and anger. You two didn't find ways together to deal with those issues. She wasn't happy, you weren't happy. You say things were wonderful, but how wonderful could they have been if you were arguing to the point of violence, if she was unhappy enough to cheat and you were unhappy enough to nurse anger towards her?

It's actually not much of a surprise that given all of that, a bump in the road caused problems for you guys. Relationships are hard enough when two happy people have to talk through difficulties, but if you're both unhappy to begin with, a difficulty becomes the final straw.

It sounds like you both are at a point where you miss each other and want the other back. She misses you, you miss her. It might be time to finally sit down and give this relationship a REAL chance instead of having it be a source of pain for both of you.

Sit down and really talk about issues. Do NOT yell! Do NOT get violent! Those are both now FORBIDDEN in your relationship. Your relationship is about talking through issues. If one of you starts to lose control, you stop until that person regains it. Period.

Talk about how much you love for and care for each other, how special you are to each other. Yes, bad things happened in the past. That's behind you now. You are going to have a fresh start with more appreciation for each other. You will talk through issues, voice concerns. Deal with problems before they get large.

This means you have to release your anger with her. You can never make a relationship work if you have anger lurking in your heart. Maybe that's part of what drove her away in the end, it can be *really* hard to deal with constant simmering anger.

If you guys both really care for each other, and really miss each other, then to treat each other with love and respect should be a relatively reasonable request. If you do that, you might be amazed how how happy you two CAN be together.

-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at

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