I feel like I'm the one who's ruined this relationship
Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Female
My boyfriend (he's 27 years old) and I ( i'm 22 years old)have been dating for almost 2 years now. Recently, we keep fighting. We constantly fight about he's Internet gameing addiction and how jealous I can get sometimes.
Last night was the worst fight we ever had. He yelled in my face and told me to get out of his house and to shut up. I wouldn't go home since I didn't want to drive home mad. So, he left and went on a walk -- he came back 20 mins later. When he yelled at me, I slapped his arm lightly. I am a small girl and I know it didn't hurt him. The fight happened because I felt he wouldn't pay attention to me... he was playing with his computer and I started crying. We ended up having fighting as I said... eventually he came back from his walk. I commenced getting my stuff together and he went over to the sofa and started crying. He said he didn't want to loose me or hurt me ever. I was hit as a child... which is probably why I hit him. He understood and said it was ok. I feel bad about it.
Before that fight ... we had another one earlier in the day. I got upset that he drove home a female collegue because it was raining. I got so upset I almost had a car accident getting to his house that day. I got mad at him for driving her home... I told him he better be nice to me and not this girl ... otherwise, he's in big trouble. Basically, I guilt tripped him.
I feel like I'm the one who's ruined this relationship. We're talking to each other... but right now I am scare of him and myself --- the mess I've created. I am thinking of not calling him or IMing him for awhile. I feel terrible. Any advice?
You need to stop being so jealous and he needs to pay more attention to you.
You have to break that nasty jealousy habit as fast as you can or it will be with you the rest of your life. Talk back to the thoughts and feelings as soon as you realize they are there. Tell them to leave you alone, that you will not listen to them anymore. It will be a tough struggle at first because the jealousy is used to having its way with you. But eventually, it will give up trying to bother you.
He, on the other hand, has to come to some compromise on how much time he can spend on the computer vs spending time with you. Your feelings should be respected in this matter because he gets lost in his fake world and needs to be called out of it from time to time. It's a matter of proportion.
Best of luck!
-- from George
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com