Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Female
Where do I start...I have been dating my boyfriend for 6 years. We have always had a good relationship as far as I am concerned, but we bought a house, we both have two jobs and things were sort of going downhill. Everytime I would bring up our issues, he never wanted to talk about them. He has a total drinking problem which lead to alot of our fights. I have asked him several times, more than several actually to stop if he loved me and his family. He would never agree. He was ruining our stuff, like urinating on our valuble furniture because he was so drunk, wrecking his car and was verbally abusive. He would never believe me when I would tell him the next day of these happenings and would apologize all day to beg for me to stay and he would stop. I would always believe him because I love him so much. But, he got really lazy w/ our relationship also, he took me for granted in my eyes. He stopped being romantic and even very slowly stopped having sexual relations w/ me. We have all these connections like all our past memories, we have 3 cats, we have a house, we have a timeshare and our love for each other. I didn't know what to do anymore and this is where I am going to look bad. I started to talk to a guy I work w/. He is married and we both were having problems w/ our love lifes and we leaned on each other for comfort. It totally started out as being friends. I would never think it would of led to anything else. Well my boyfriend and I weren't making any progress but that might of have to do w/ my coworker. I wasn't trying any harder either because now I had this comfort from someone else. My boyfriend and I decided to take a break. We seperated for about 1 1/2 months. During the break, I had sex w/ my coworker. I was confused, hurt, lonely and didn't know what was going to happen w/ my boyfriend. So about a couple of weeks later, I was miserable w/ out my boyfriend. I gave him a choice. I said, Either we are going to work us out and go see a therapist or I am moving out for good. We decided and trying to work things out. Meanwhile, I was trying to detach myself from my coworker. About 2 weeks later, my coworker called me while I was out w/ some friends and asked if he could see me, I guess for a little closure, so I agreed. Huge Mistake!!! My boyfriend ended up catching us inside my work building talking. Yes, it looks very bad, but all we were doing is talking. I had to be honest w/ him and tell him everything (my boyfriend). He is so hurt, he ended up calling my coworker's wife and telling her. Now I am in a huge mess. My boyfriend kicked me out, doesn't know if wants me back, my work is envolved because we were at the office after hours and I have lost all respect from people. I am miserable. I haven't ate, I can't sleep and now I myself have been on a drinking binge. I want my boyfriend back, but what do you think I should do to help this terrible situation that I started. I wasn't happy, but my boyfriend keeps telling me nothing he did was ever as bad as what I have done. How do I get him back and what do you think about this whole problem??? HELP!!!!!! Advice
What you did was during a break so it isn't that terrible.

What happened with your counseling? That's what you need now if your ex is willing to go with you.

The main problem stems from his drinking problem. Get him to go to AA and try to sober up. Maybe he needs counseling of his own to figure out what's bugging him.

Remember that he drove you into the arms of a coworker and that he shares part of the blame for that.

Worst case, contact a lawyer and see what you can do about getting your half of the property. Maybe this will wake up you ex to some of the realities of life.

Hope this helps some!

-- from George
One of Your Friendly Advisors at

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