Jealousy made us Break Up - How Can I Become Less Jealous and Get Him Back?
Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Female
ME AND MY BOYFRIEND/FIANCE HAVE RECENTLY SPLIT UP. WE ARE IN AUSTRALIA TOGETHER WITH TWO MONTHS LEFT OF OUR TRIP STILL TO GO. WE SPLIT UP AS I HAVE PROBLEMS WITH JEALOUSY. WE ARE STILL LIVING TOGETHER AS 'BEST FRIENDS'. THE SITUATION IS REALLY HARD AS I MISS OUR CLOSENESS. WE WERE VERY CLOSE AND GOT ON SO WELL, BUT I AM A PARANOID AND JEALOUS PERSON, PLEASE GIVE ME SOME ADVICE AS TO HOW I CAN DEAL WITH MY JEALOUSY AND TRY TO MAKE IT STOP. ME AND MY EX LOVE EACH OTHER AND THIS IS ALL THAT IS KEEPING US APART.
You need to realize first and foremost that almost all jealousy is based on the insecurities of the jealous person. A relationship is all about trust. Trust is the base and foundation of every good relationship. So you need to be able to trust him, period. It doesn't matter if he's late at work, or happens to look at another woman. You can't start assuming that this means he is cheating on your or interested in someone else. If your relationship is strong, then you both can have friends of both sexes, and it won't affect the love you have for each other.
But if you start not trusting him, you destroy what holds the relationship together.
Why are you so afraid of losing him? Do you really think you're that unworthy, that he'd go running off with another woman if he had half a chance? If you're out with him at dinner, and he happens to look at another woman, do you think, "She's better suited for him than I am?" You might want to consider going to therapy. Self esteem is HUGELY important in life, not just for relationships, but for happy living. It would show him that you're serious about addressing this. You have to feel good about yourself before you can be in a healthy relationship, otherwise your insecurities destroy it, as I guess you've seen.
Tell him that you're going to see a therapist to work on your insecurities, and ask him to start dating you again with that understanding. I bet you'll find the relationship gets *incredibly* better as you learn to really trust each other!
-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com