It Still Hurts to see my Ex Boyfriend, and we share custody
Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Female
My ex boyfriend and I have broken up and we had a child during our long break up. I know that sounds wierd but he started dating a young lady while he and I were still working on some things and it became serious with the other young lady and now he's getting married next month.
Despite my feelings of abandonment and betrayal, as well as his very unattached attitude towards our daughter I have tried to matain a friendship with him for my daughters sake. At times it hurts me to even think about him but I never say anything to him about it. Do you think I should.
Many, many mothers and fathers are in your exact shoes. Breaking up is pretty common and there are very often kids involved. So there are entire, gigantic support groups like Parents without Partners out there. And believe me, yes, every single parent has those times where they are angry and upset and furious and betrayed by the ex, and somehow you get through the emotions for the sake of the child.
It's not easy, you're a human being and deserve to have those feelings. But it's generally better for the child if you don't drag him or her into those sorts of problems and let them grow up having two loving parents. I'm not sure that telling him would really help anything, and it might hurt in the sense that he might act differently around your daughter and affect her.
Especially if he's not being very supportive of your child, I'd maintain a friendly but cool connection. You don't have to be best friends, you don't even have to like him. You just have to be cordial enough that the contacts around your daughter are pleasant, and that he is encouraged to stay in her life.
I'd look around in your area for a single parenting group so you can get into some dinners out or talks with them. I think you'll find there is a ton of support out there for people like you, and it really does help.
-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com