Handling a Confused Girlfriend on the Rebound
Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Male
My now ex-girlfriend had been going out with her last boyfriend for over a year and started liking me about six months before she broke up with him. We started going out a couple weeks later. We were going out for two and a half months and everything was going great. Than one day she told me that she felt that she "wasn't really there, like that she was on autopilot". She said that she needed time. But after we broke up we did the same things that we did when we were going out, just nothing intament. If she needed time than why did she still want to hang out all the time? About one and a half months after that we were at a party. We were both drinking and she told me that she loved me and we ended up having sex. The next morning she didn't remember anything that happend the night before. I told her what happend and asked her if A)she was over her last boyfriend and didn't need any more time, B)it was just a night of passion, or C)it was just drinking. She told me that it was a combination of B&C. This was about three weeks ago and were still good friend but nothing more. I still love her and I want to get back together with her but i'm not sure how to approach it. What should I do?
It definitely sounds like your girlfriend was on the rebound. It's very, very common for someone who's out of a relationship to just jump into another relationship, because they miss the "having someone there" feeling. But it's very important for her to take some time without being in any relationship, and really think about what went wrong in the last one, and what she wants in the next one. Otherwise, as usually happens, you end up making the exact same mistakes all over again!
It sounds like she caught you on the rebound, and then once she really started to get over the breakup, she started to have second thoughts.
Breakups take time - usually much more than just a week or two. And all great relationships are based on great friendships. So your best bet is to be there for her now. Be her best friend, be reliable, be trustworthy. Be there when she needs you. Once she gets herself straightened out and is really ready for a new relationship, there you will be, waiting.
-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com