Visitor's Question from a 16-20 year old Female
I have known this boy, codenamed "D" for almost four years. We had classes together in the eighth grade, but at that time we barely acknowledged each other's existence. During our first year of high school it was the same except we only shared the gym, but apparantly he noticed me as he gave a teddy bear for Valentine's Day. I was confused at that time and simple walked off, as we barely knew each other. I think that hurt him.
Last year during sophomore year, we had a few classes togtether. It was a stressful personal and academic year for me. The teddy bear incident was forgotten, as I have memory loss under continuous stress. I begin to notice "D" as he had a sense of humor and we shared mutual friends. We began to talk late in the school year and found that we had many similar interests. It was the beginning of a friendship that would blossom into a close one. Romance was never on my mind.
This year we started junior year and found that we had almost the same exact classes and schedule, so naturally we walked to classes togther and sat near near each other. We became so close as we talked online for many hours each day, and we had a special relationship where we knew each other and were so comfortable with ourselves. Many friends and peers thought that we should/are/or will date, but we just brushed it off with a laugh.
However, I began to develop feelings for him. And this was different from my past crushes. I knew that this wasn't an infatuation as this was not based on shallow feelings and fantasies of a perfect relationship. He has his bad points and has angered me a few times, but I have still accepted him for who he is. Close friends thought he returned my feelings too, but I knew that he found another girl, "P", attractive and may have even started to like her. So I hid my feelings and tried to help him with his romance. Later he confided to me that he only wanted friendship with her, and at that time I had thought that my feelings for him were gone. I confessed that I used to harbor feelings for him, and he admitted that he knew as he thought my feelings were obvious. I was hurt when he told me that he thought I was annoying as I wasn't the person that he knew. At that moment I truly thought I was over him and we were nothing more than good friends.
Our growing friendship continued until my feelings soon resurfaced unexpectedly, and then I had the thought that I might and still love him. I was frightened and confused, as he would be considered my first love. I had never dated or had a boyfriend previously. And then our friendship changed, and there was this awkwardness and tension between us that we never addressed. I think he knew I still had feelings for him, but he didn't feel the same way. Also, his friendship with "P" made me feel insecure so that was another factor. We began to talk online less and less, and same went for offline. It wasn't until recently that our friendship is as it used to be.
"D" gives off mixed messages. Sometimes we are physically affectionate and make flirty comments, and other times he would be aloof. My theory is that he was aloof so that I would be able to get over him and move on with my life, so he was essentially being cruel to be kind. I think he knew I was hurting, but he knew it would hurt more if I didn't get over him sooner. He confides in me things that a boy would usually confide to his male friends, such as when and why he finds certain girls attractive. Many people assume that we have feelings for each other, but I think that he sees me as a very trustworthy friend and maybe as a sister figure. He even tried to find me a prom date. He's very caring in his vague and unique way and is perceptive to my moods. But I'm not sure if he feels the same as I do.
Sadly, it seems the answer is that he is not attracted to you the way you are attracted to him.
He has had plenty of opportunities to open up and confess feelings if he had them. Perhaps you should bring the subject out into the open and tell him that you have feelings for him and that you wonder how he feels about you.
My guess is that he will say he likes you as a friend. But maybe he will surprise you and say that he likes you. Did you ever apologize about the teddy bear? Maybe he still feels bad about that.
My best wishes to you!
-- from George
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com