Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Female
I have looked at all the advice posted, and though some of it related to my problem, I still have unresolved issues. My ex of almost 2 years broke up with me without any warning. He had been talking marriage to me, talking about getting me a ring, hinting at times when I should expect it, but when those times came, he would say it just was not enough time or if I mentioned any thing, he would get upset, I would cry, and then he would get more upset because I was upset. Back in November, I went to visit my parents and they innocently mentioned that they would like to meet his parents some day. The next time I saw him, I mentioned it, he got kind of wierd with me, and started acting like it was no big deal and said that the parents meeting had no bearing on any decisions. I was very tired at the time, and I got upset, so he started being a jerk and said that my crying solved nothing. He said I should just get home and get some sleep. I went home, talked to a friend, and told her the situation. I decided to be diplomatic and try to understand his side of things, and so I called him back that night. I said I knew he knew what I wanted, but I did not know what he wanted. He started to say that he needed space, that he was not feeling the same attraction for me, and that this was not working - he said he talked to a friend of his family's and that they said our relationship reminded them of one of their past that did not work. He said that since theirs did not, ours probably would not either. He said we were too different, that he had been fighting to save what we had for a while, and that he would love me and do anything for me. I was in a state of shock, because 3 days prior to that he was mentioning to me that he wanted to know what kind of ring I liked for an engagement ring and was telling me that he wanted to marry me and we talked about kids. I just do not understand how he could go from talking about rings and then feel nothing in a matter of less than one week. I have not heard from him personally since. I do not know what happened, but I am still so heart-broken over it because I know in my heart that he was the one for me, and I thought that I was the one for him too. I thought after he broke up with me, that he just needed time and space, but when I tried to wish him a happy birthday, I found that he had changed his phone number. I just wonder how long had I been foolish and how long were the signs there that he just did not care for me and I just did not see them or was he just burned out? I still love him and if he called me tomorrow to say he was a fool, I know that I would at least try to let him back in my life in some way, but I know that I would not trust him right away, because I have been hurt before and I have had my trust betrayed before. I really have not tried to contact him since except shortly after the break-up when I asked him if this was a decision that he would regret and he said it would most likely be, but it was his decision to make. I just do not know what to do. Advice
I doubt if you will ever get a straight answer to what happened.

But, you are asking what to do. My advice, based on what you wrote, is that you should forget about him. If he were going to contact you he would have done it by now. It's been quite a while with no contact.

Don't waste time trying to figure what happened. If you were still in contact with him it might have been possible to figure it out. But you aren't talking with him.

Look ahead to your new life without him. Life has endless joys awaiting for you, just give them a chance!

Good luck,

-- from George
One of Your Friendly Advisors at

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