how to get him back, or how to get over him once and for all!

Visitor's Question from a 16-20 year old Female
I read through the questions and answers on your site, but none of them seemed to match up exactly with what i need to know or figure out. And i'm sorry ahead of time for the length of this email, i tend to blabber on! Ok well here goes, i was with my ex john for a little over a year. He and i were very much in love, we hung out everyday (after work, school, ect.) and even worked together (thats how we met). He was 20 and a sophmore in college adn i was 17 and a senior in high school, so our lives were different but not drastically, but he was more focused being in college and had more homework ect. to do because of it, on top of the fact that he worked two jobs. He was my first love, and he had been with other girls before but the longest was 4 months, so i was basically his first real love too. We kinda learned how to love from one another, but we fought about the most stupid and petty things. After 6 months he broke up with me (we both weren't happy) but then it hit me and i sat down with him adn gave him a letter i wrote saying how i felt adn how i loved him so much, he said he hadn't heard that sincerity from me in a while adn we got back togehter after only a week. Things were great for the first few months after that then one night he told that there was one nite we were supposed to hang out and he told me he got grounded...long story short he lied and went to a party with his brother adn made out with another girl (to some this isnt a huge deal but for us it was, we hadn't had sex yet, so this was bad for us). I was crushed and he begged me to stay wtih him saying how much he loved me and how sorry he was and he'd never do anything like that to me again, blah blah blah. Well after a few very long talks we stayed together. Everythign was fine again for a few months then before our 1 year anniversay (a few weeks before) he gave me a letter saying that he wasnt sure if we were "meant to be", you have to kind of know john to understand but he was a very mature guy for his age and thought about things objectivly and long term. And he said he wanted us to still see each other but also see other people to see if there was someone out there who made us happier. I was against it from the start but we did that for a month to 2 months...the worst of my life. After that time he said he did think his heart was 100% in it anymore....we broke up. Now here come the dumb part, this happened almost 9 months ago, and i STILL cant seem to get over him. Its crazy because our relationship wasnt perfect by any means but i still care deeply for him and think about him constantly. After we broke up we talked for a few weeks, but just recently he called me out of the blue and said he was a free man now and that i should call him and we should hang out. We did hang out last monday adn it was soo nice seeing him again. We talked and laughed, and at the end of the nite he hugged me and it wasnt just a hug, it was like it used to be when he loved me. But we kinda talked about relationships (not ours really just in general) and he said he just wanted to go out and have fun. But for some reason i think he still loves me and in the end we're gonna end up back together, after he's done being a young boy and "testing the waters". But i cant keep doin this to myself, it hurts to bad and its kind of depressing me! i need some advice, whether that be on how to get him back, or how to get over him once and for all! I need help from someone who can give an objective opinion, all my friends are too involved to give me straight advice! Please help! This is driving me crazy!! Advice
You and he have been going back and forth on this for too long.

No wonder you are being driven crazy. Who wouldn't? Since you and he are on speaking terms, you ought to have a long honest chat with him and let him know how much the uncertainty is affecting you. My advice is to tell him that you don't want to hear back from him unless he is ready to have a real long lasting relationship.

This will be hard for you to do, but it will help you get your feet back on the ground and live your life.

I hope this works out well for you!

-- from George
One of Your Friendly Advisors at

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