He Still Fantasizes About his Ex

Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Female
I've been going out with a guy for over a year, tho when we started "seeing" each other he was still in ways involved with his ex, i mean they agreed they had no way to continue their relationship becuase she lived overseas and he as he's also told me doesnt want to get too close unless its for defineite n will work out as hes been really hurt in past.

I know his ex found it hard although now they keep in touch quite often as friends. The problem is I feel like it wasnt quite a good enough reason for them to break up, as in i still think there could be unresolved feelings, and how do i know im not just security? also I know from her and as he admitted to a friend, he wouldnt see her because he was sure he would want to get close with her gaain but told me it would only be a one last time with her. He also admitted to his friend of still fantasisng about her, when i asked he larfed and said all guys fantasise and it is just fantasising and guys do that about previous experiences.

what do you think? do u think hes still hung up on her??? he also stopped seein her because he was havin anxiety attacks n stressin too much so i think he wanted to just leave it...too much stress so just avoided it cos he was too scared.

what do you think??? is it norm for guys ot fanatsise bout ex's even if involved in another relationship? fo you think maybe hes just wantin to get off with her one last time? or do u think maybe she was better as sexual things then me???? pls help.....thanks so much

RomanceClass.com Advice
First, about his breakup with his ex. People break up for all sorts of reasons, good and bad, smart and stupid. In the end it doesn't really matter why they broke up. It just matters that they did and that he has now chosen to be with you. You can't keep second-guessing why someone is with you and if they're preparing to desert you. You have to keep communication lines open of course and talk to your partner about if they're happy and how you can improve things and such. But if he's with you, relationships are founded on trust. You have to trust that he wants to be with you and that you're both actively wanting it to work out well.

As far as fantasies about exs, yes, that's very common. People fantasize all the time, it's a healthy part of life. You fantasize about Mel Gibson, or Liv Tyler, or Eminem, or the gorgeous girl you saw in the mall, or whoever. It adds a bit of spice into your life. It doesn't mean you're bad in bed at all!! It just means that sometimes a different mental image is fun.

On the other hand, if he was fantasizing about her *daily* and dreaming of her coming back to him, that would be bad. But it doesn't sound like you're saying that. If just occasionally he has a fantasy about her, that's really not a big deal.

If you want to take this as a prod to liven up your own sex life with him, then maybe try adding more variety into your own. But don't worry about it as a sign that you're not enough for him. If you two are actively dating and actively enjoy each other, that's a good sign that you're both pretty happy with each other :)

-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com

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Fantasize about ex's

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