Visitor's Question from a 31-40 year old Female
Hello. I've been in a monogamous relationship for nearly a year. We met at work as casual acquaintances several years ago but really had no contact other than brief hellos in the hallway. About 18 months ago, he started to swing by my desk more often, and eventually told me that he & his wife were separating. In short order, he asked me on a date. I turned him down the first several times he invited me out, telling him that I did not want to be a rebound relationship and that he needed his energy to focus on his divorce and his then 1 year old son. I eventually decided to give him a chance, and a year later we are still together. I've lived through every aspect of his divorce with him - custody battle, financial battle, even met the ex. (The divorce has been final for just about six weeks now.) Throughout this process, my boyfriend has become less positive about wanting to remarry and have more children. Before I even agreed to date him, we had several conversations about what we both wanted. As the divorce process got more intense, he got more & more unsure. Now that things are starting to settle down, his new stance is "I'm not sure when" versus "I'm not sure if ever." I do want to marry and have children. I knew that things would not happen overnight with this man, but rather than just slowing down it appears that our relationship has begun to stagnate. I realize that he needs time to get over the hurt, that he likely got too involved with me too quickly, but it happened....so what should I do? Should I break things off until he has a better sense of clarity or do I stay together with him, giving him time & space? I love him and have stuck by his side through a lot of bad times, however I want to move forward and he's not sure if he does, or when he'll be able to. Any thoughts? Thanks.
I'm sorry you are in this difficult situation.
You have analyzed the situation so well that my advice will probably not be of much use to you.
My advice is to let him know that your relationship hinges on his ability to make a commitment to marriage and children with you. Give him six months or a year to make up his mind and stick by your guns.
If he hasn't asked you to marry him by your cutoff date... cut him off!
-- from George
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com