He Left without Looking Back
Visitor's Question from a 13-15 year old Female
Okay, he just left for work the day after I tried to talk to him to try to work out why he doesn't trust me. He hasn't come back. No phone calls or anything. I can't call him because he's having problems with the phone that I have the number to. Does that mean it's finally over?
I want to send him something for Valentine's Day and his birthday to let him know that I'm still here for him and I still love him. Is that a bad idea? I still want him but I don't know if he feels the same. What is the best to do?
If his way of dealing with problems is to just leave without talking about them and then not even looking back, that's not something you can really get him to change. That's a pretty basic flaw in his way of handling relationships. You can try sending him a Valentine's Day letter as a friend, asking how he's doing, but really, this change has to come from within him. If he can't learn how to trust you, and won't go to a therapist to help him out, there's little chance of you forcing him to learn that lesson. Especially when he refuses to talk about it.
I'd be open as a friend, in case he starts to handle himself a bit better, but I'd also start accepting that some people just take more years than others to get to the point that they can be in a serious relationship. Maybe he's just not there yet, and it might be better if you kept your options open to find someone for yourself that is that mature. A relationship requires 2 people that are both actively open to working and talking and caring for each other. It just can't work with only one.
-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com