We're Dating but he's Going Very Slowly
Visitor's Question from a 13-15 year old Female
I have been seeing my boyfriend for almost a year. We have the type of relationship that has a difficulty growing because we live in different states but once a month we work in the military together. Well he and i started dating a little after he started working with me. We had an awesome first date. We went to the movies and then we found a spot in a school play ground and we hugged and kissed underneath the stars, after that he would call me and tell me he wanted to be with me more.
Then 4 months after i invited him to my house because my parents were gone for the weekend. I asked him to sleep over and watch movies with me. He brought wine and we watched some movies.. when sleep time came around we slept in my bed together. We didnt have sex he respected me he just cuddled with me and we slept in each other arms.
Then we didnt see each other again for another 3 months... meanwhile all this time we been talking on the phone. Then We dated again just last week and i went to his house to meet his friends and to see where he lived. He drove all the way to the base to pick me up and then i drove in my car to his house because i wanted to memorize where he lived... then when we got there we kissed we held hands.He introduced me to his friends.
His friends said that they heard a lot about me. We watched tv together and we cuddled. He bought me dinner and then he took me dancing. When we were around more of his friends he started to feel uncomfartable he then didnt really hug me or kiss me as much. That night he started talking to my best friend and telling her that he was in love with me but he was immature that if i were to date him for 2 years that he would love to be my boyfriend but he doesnt want to rush anything or hurt me.
My question is should i keep being with him? Should i still pressue this relationship. I told him that i think that i am started to fall in love with him and he told me that he wants to be my friend and get to know each other more that, he doesnt want to make a mistake and hurt me. He also told me not to leave him. That we should take things slow what does this mean? That he thinks im his ideal girl and that he doesnt want to lose me.
Please help me im so confused. I think im in love with him.
Does this relationship have any potential?
In a world where most people race into things too quickly and then get burned, it's nice to find a person that takes his or her time. Sometimes it can take patience, though!
If you realize that marriage can easily last 60 or more years, a year or two at the beginning to make sure it's really right is hardly anything. If you really care for him and he cares for you, take your time! There is plenty of time for sex later down the road, for as much as you could possibly want. If he feels it's something special to save until you both are really sure, then savor that.
It does sound like after a year that you two might try dating more frequently or moving closer together, though. Otherwise you'll never know for sure if this will work, because you'll be seeing each other so infrequently. You can't get to know each other better, really, because you'll drift apart while you're apart. So talk with him about ways to get closer, so that you can move the relationship along. Even if it's slow, it still has to move forward!
-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com