Spring Break could be difficult
Visitor's Question from a 16-20 year old Female
My boyfriend and I have been together for just about a year.He is 21 and I am 18. We have fought alot during the past about bad habits that either of us have. He is my first true love. We both have had a bit of a troubled past. Him not getting alot of attention/love from his parents and I having a mother with a drug addiction and three brothers to take care of. NOw we both accept these issues about eachother and have had long conversations about both situations. Recently we have started to have some arguments again after about a four month halt. MOst of the arguments we do have seem to focus just on my faults, and I feel like I am always the bad guy. I admit that sometimes when we have an argument and we talk about the situation I tend not to comprehend every little piece of advice he gives me. You have to understand that my boyfriend is very intelligent. Like he isn't really book smart but he knows a little about everything you could possibly imagine. So when we fight, he thinks that he is always right. Prob bcuz he is older, and has more life experience, but it always makes me feel as if I am the "dumber" one. When we fight he always ends up saying alot of hurtful things, when I am like the nicest person. Our most recent fight occured last night and today: last night i went to visit him for a while, although I was very tired and had just written a huge paper for school.....we watched a movie together at his house and then were lying there and he was feeling horny...so he started to mess around with me by kissing me and giving me a massage. It was fantastic. After he was done kissing me he rolled over and I kind of layed there for a minute, because I was totally just relaxed and then I think he was expecting me to respond right away and do something for him....but I didnt, so he said "What are you just going to lay there?" and I said no, and tried to come close to him, but he refused because he doesnt like to feel like he has to beg for things. So we talked about it and came to some agreement, and made up for the time. Then today we had another argument: I told him last night that I would call him as soon as I got home and we could do something today sometime. Today though I had to take a picture of the new cheerleaders who made it on the squad and ended up having to stay at school until 6th period which is like half after noon when Im usually home by noon. I didnt call him and let him know that I had to stay a little late. So as soon as I got him I called him and told him I would rest for a while since I got home late after last night and then call him and make plans to hang out. But me saying "I guess i could come and pick you up to go and hang out with my friends" he thought i was trying to imply he wasnt important to me. which is totally not true, i was just tired and going off of 4 hours sleep i should be. So he thought I wasnt being inconsiderate and said that he doesnt want to talk to me for the next week, which is my springbreak!? Which really hurts bcuz that would be time we would spend together besides when i work? But from my side, I know that I didnt not call him on purpose and I was just trying to get my pic tooken care of for my article so i could get home asap. and i told him that. But he just says he's sick of fighting about the same things and thinks i need to change the ways i tend to repeatedly show. I don't know what to do anymore, please help? how can i be a better girlfriend to him and not be the cause of all our arguments? Please help i love him so much, and so in love that i would do anything to help make this relationship work for us. We have a deep love for eachother and need help greatly! thank you
First thing to do is ask him for a compromise... that you will be together during spring break but then take the week off after that. It really isn't fair to either of you to have a break next week.
Whenever two people are arguing a lot my advice (to the person who is writing) that they take the bull by the horns and refuse to argue. The only effective way to do this is to agree with him. Keep agreeing until he feels good again.
This advice goes against the idea of being completely honest in your relationship. However, you need some immediate relief from the problem and you seem to be having trouble talking it out.
Once you two are happy again you can gently begin to disagree with him using all the tact you have. If he were asking me for advice I would give him this same advice.
Sorry you are in this situation and wish you luck,
-- from George
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com