Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Female
i'm 22 and i've fallen in love with a guy who is 26. we were introduced by a friend and we study in the same university. and since the first day we met, there was always an urge in us to get to know each other better.
we started off as friends and got closer since then. he spends a lot of time with me and we used to even stay over at each other's place. we have meals together and we behaved like a couple. he would flirt with me. play with my hair, compliment me, joke with me, hold my hands and even took care of me when i was ill. he even bought me flowers on valentine's day.
the thing is, we never told each other how we felt. it was only recently that i found out that he had an ex and he still loves her dearly. i was saddened by it and confronted him a week later because i did not want to mess up his mind (he had a job interview then). he told me about her and i told him how i felt. he didn't exactly tell me that he loves me but he did not deny it either. so we just left it that way and continued being friends.
since then, i've been trying my best to suppress my true feelings for him and trying to just be friends with him. but he behaved the same way. he still called me everynight and still did things like before. it was like as if nothig has happened.
but a month ago, there was a drastic change in attitude in him. i could feel that he was ignoring me because he never bothered replying my phone calls or my text messages. in a way, i feel that it is my fault that he has changed. was it because i was trying too hard to be his friend that i fail to be sensitive towards him? or is he suffering from personal problems? or is he jealous that i'm suddenly quite close to his close friend, because he's avoiding that guy as well. i'm only friends with his close friends, it's strictly platonic.
lately, he contacted me again but it feels different. he's not the same guy anymore. i love him very dearly and i don't want to lose his friendship. i tried talking to him but he would not want to open up. what should i do? does he hate me?
You suggested several possibilities about why he has changed. Any one or a combination of them could be true.
The only way to find out is from the source... HIM! If he refuses to talk about it then it is difficult for you to find out.
You could introduce ideas to him like mentioning his friends and how you like them but that you have no romantic interest in them.
Ask him how his ex is doing and has he been able to talk with her.
Maybe he won't talk about his coldness directly but he might be able to handle it in bits and pieces. You might stumble across what is really bothering him.
I wish you luck, this is a difficult situation!
-- from George
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com
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