Trying to Repair After a Cheating

Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Male
My girlfriend cheated on me, and after a three month break, she wants to work things out, but we're still not back together. And after all she put me through, i want to make sure she really means it when she says she loves me. She constantly lied to me, avoided spending time with me, and stuff like that. But im protecting myself i guess because i know i love her after what she has done, i don't want to be subject to it again.

When she broke up with me she started seeing one of her friends, and now, after thats over with, i can't hang out with ANY of her friends?! It's still a little shady with her, and we are intimate and spend time, but just us. we don't go anywhere really, just privately. so i sometimes question her love for me. I'm not trying to manipulate her but i am a little insecure that SHE is playing games with me. I hope you understand my side. Let me know what you think? Thanks! Advice
Really, what you're talking about is repairing the trust that was broken when she actively lied to and cheated on you. That is never a quick process, it's a long term process that both of you have to be committed to. I do have a lot of advice on the site about how to get through that, but in the end it comes down to time. You have to spend the time together, to rebuild the trust and the faith in each other.

Part of what she has to do as part of that is show herself constantly as trustworthy, since she's the one that lied before. She needs to let you know where she'll be and actually be there. She needs to have you around with her family and friends so that you are part of her life and so you know who she is with and what sorts of things they are saying. You need to be a FULL part of her world so you know she's not hiding things from you or shielding parts of her life from you.

-- from Jenn
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