Feeling jealous makes me feel ugly inside
Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Female
I have been married for three years. Since we have been married, I have some serious issues with jealousy and it is ruining our relationship. Argument after argument, that is the only thing we argue about, jealousy. I, myself, didn't realize I had a problem until I took a jealousy quiz online and although I did not score badly, I realized the key areas my jealousy is irrational in. I feel uncomfortable with him having female friends, especially if they look pretty. If he talks to a female, other than the one's we mutually talk to, it bothers me. If he talks about another women that I don't know and says she is attractive I get upset. Try after try, google search after google search I have triend to change these feelings, but somehow they keep catching up with me. My entire family has serious issues with jealousy and not because of that, but other reasons, I have cut my ties with them. Therefore, they are no longer any influence in my life. I hate these feelings of "hate" I get, they make me feel so UGLY!!! But they happen so automatically it is hard for me to realize when I am letting them get the best of me. By the time I do realize it, all I have is regret because I let it go too far. I have purchased a few packets and visited many websites. I don't know if I need counseling or just some guidance. If I need counseling, I don't know where to start, I mean a psychiatrists or psychologist? I really think that it shouldn't get to the point where I should see a counselor. I am too embarassed to tell anyone else about my problem. I need some guidance. I want my relationship to survive and I don't want to feel UGLY inside anymore.
Jealousy is a nasty habit and can ruin relationships. Since one of the most important parts of a relationship is trust, jealousy undermines.
Practise chasing away the jealous feelings by using this technique: whenever a jealous feeling or thought arises say to yourself "He is my husband and he loves me." Do this about 100 times and slowly the thoughts and feelings will give up because they know that they can't control you anymore.
We also have tips about jealousy you might want to look at: http://www.romanceclass.com/miscr/LoveCat/23682
If things don't improve you should see a marriage counselor who is very aware of these problems and can give you professional advice.
-- from George
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com