Can't get along with him or without him
Visitor's Question from a 16-20 year old Female
Me and my ex are really good friends. Well, first of all yea I still really like him but I am afraid if he knows that he will run in the other direction because I am pretty sure he doesn't like me. He's a very flirty guy in general to every girl he knows and although he flirts with me I know that is just his attitude. We have a very close friendship but we fight...all the time. It almost seems like we are in a wrecked relationship and it is always my fault. Even after 4 months I can never seem to make the transition from going out to friends. He will do things like say we are gonna hang out and then ditch me, tell me to call him and then when I call he is busy with other friends, or tell me he is gonna hang out with me and then leave me sitting by the phone waiting till the last minute in which he sometimes can't hang out. I know it's not really right to even just do this to a friend, but I can say that I have done it once or twice... but instead of me just being upset about it and getting over it like I am with all my other friends I freak out when it's him. I am the one who needs help, I can never just shrug it past me- we get in really big fights and then I always feel like I am expecting way too much of him as a friend and that this is what I should be expecting of a boyfriend but I can't stop. Iv'e probably ditched most of my friends once or twice but they never make that big of a deal out of it once I say sorry, and even though he does I always am stupid and make it into something bigger. A lot of the times we aren't friends for a long time and despise each other and then when one of us calls to get back something that is ours we talk for hours, so then we try being friends again and we fight. It's like when we aren't supposed to be getting along we are and when we try to get along we can't. What should I do?
Sounds like you two have a love/hate relationship.
If you want to be friends with him, YOU need to stop fighting with him. Whenever a fight comes up just say that you agree with him and put a quick stop to it. Then move on to a new subject.
This won't be an easy thing to do since you have gotten into the habit of fighting and habits are hard to break. When you are talking to him on the phone, take something in your hand and when you feel that you are gripping it too tightly, then you will know that you are in a fighting mood. That's when you step back and say it is more important to be friends than to fight.
I hope this helps some!
-- from George
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com