Hope the other dude would combust spontaneously
Visitor's Question from a 16-20 year old Male
My current situation is a result of a rather twisted turn of events, so bear with me please. I'm a college freshman, in my second semester now, and I have known this girl K since almost day 1 of the school year. The first day I met her there was definitely an instant bond of some sort. We talked sitting closely next to each other for like 3 hours, first just introducing ourselves but later talking about family issues, past relationships etc. Then we watched a movie in my room. By the time it was over the time was 4 in the morning and we had to get up early the next day, which was probably the only reason she went back to her room. At the time I thought of the situation as me liking her quite a bit, and her coming onto me rather strongly, because she was the one who talked more and wanted to watch the movie and all. I began to go to her room and hang out. Only a few days later, I was lying on her bed, and she'd get up from her desk and lie right next to me, we'd talk some more... but she was chinese, I was korean, and as the semester advanced we began to hang out with different friends, and didn't get to see each other as much. She seemed to be giving mixed signals... but we remained rather intimate friends throughout. And as the semester advanced, I began to realize she was thinking of me more and more as a friend, and I was falling in love with her.
I really really really regret not telling her my feelings then. After christmas break, my feelings for her were only getting stronger. But alas, a new problem: another guy began to hit on her. He was a lot more aggressive than I was... and he got to spend a lot more time with her because he had more classes with her and stuff. Anyways, it seemed apparent that initially she didn't like him that much, and I thought he'd just pass by. I was basically sitting back, being the dumbass I am. But he was persistent, I kept on seeing them two together, and I began to get jealous. After telling my close friends and even some of her close friends about my feelings for her, in an abruptly attempt to tell her I was "in the game" too, I finally went to her and told her I really like her, can't think of any other girl blah blah... she was surprised. She didn't have a clue. She said she saw both me and the other guy as a friend. I felt pretty bad... but at least nothing was awkward, she just said thanks for telling me, and we went on almost as if I did't tell her anything.
Sorry I'm carrying this on so long...it's almost over. Some weeks later, which is now, I was casually talking to her, and she asked if I still feel that way about her. I said yes, and she said she kind of likes the other guy now! "He's been good too me, he's actually not bad a guy after all!" Now I was getting really hurt. I elaborated further on my previous confession, telling her I've never felt this way about a girl ever before, blah blah... all she kept on saying was "you're such a great friend to hang out with", "we'll still hang out", etc. She's not going out with the other guy, she said "we're not dating or anything"... but he's still the one able to spend more time with her and if I let it be, I think they'll be going out. I don't want to get into an outright competition with the other guy or anything. I don't know if I should keep cool and be her friend and wait it all out until the other guy kind of fades away (if he ever does), or take action and try to kick it up a notch now by actively asking her out instead of hanging out together once in a while. Either way, I can't give up on her altogether, at least that's how I feel now, because I love her so much. I've definitely made a better first impression on her than the other guy, I'm absolutely positive about this, her best friend thinks I'm more suited for her than the other guy, and no offense to the other guy (I don't have much against him personally), but I think I have some edges, especially physically... but the one thing he did right was that he was so much more active and quicker with his actions. Man...don't know what to do. I keep on hoping the other dude would suddenly combust spontaneously and leave this world and crazy stuff like that. I obviously need better solutions.
Whatever you do, just make sure you don't lose her friendship.
Your analysis of the situation seems sound. Whether you become more competitive or hang back is up to you. It probably depends on your personality. You seem to be a laid back person.
At some point, though, you are going to have to become more persistent in you feelings for her. Whatever you have done in the past has not been enough to keep her attention. So it's just a matter of time before you need to become more active.
So, decide whether to start now or wait. My advice is to start now.
-- from George
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com