Visitor's Question from a 16-20 year old Person
I have submitted an e-mail before titled "Ex is dating her Enemy"- well things were going pretty well and my ex broke up with his girlfriend. We had gotten to talking and he told me that he had cheated on her too and that he just couldn't get out of this cycle of cheating on people- he even came onto me once while he was going out with her. THis could be assumed a good thing meaning he maybe has feelings for me. But ever since he broke up with her we frequently would get into huge fights that started out as merely little quarells about him ditching me when we were supposed to hang out, or expecting me to sit at home half the day waiting for him to call to see if we were gonna hang out. I am a very tempermental person(I know, Im trying to work on it), but I would always regrattably threaten to tell his ex that he had cheated. In the last fight like this he decided he didnt want to be my friend anymore...I tried to talk to him, but he wouldn't be alone with me for a few seconds for me to even say sorry... I got outraged and tried to kick him more than once and then once he left this went into a rapid calling spree, where he wouldn't answer my calls so I persisted to call....yes, bad idea. That day was so horrible... I almost got a restraining order on me...I threatened to file charges against him, asked for money that he owed me that I had earlier told him not to pay me back, and told him I would tell his ex that he had cheated. I later realized what a stupid thing I had done. Well, hoping I could possibly make things the slightest bit better I figured I would call him with a proposition to make a compromise asking him to try to be my friend for three weeks so I could see what it was I did wrong as a friend( he had complained about me being too emotionally clingy) and in return I would drop everything that I had suggested. Well, I figured when I called him I would not actually tell him the compromise but say that I was supposed to talk to him about this in person, and we had to find a time to get together. Well, he suggested Wednesday and even gave me a sex offer...The funny thing was when we talked on the phone I just expected to figure out a time to get together and lots of tension as we hung up right afterwards...but instead after this he went on to ask me how I had been and sorry that he got so pissed on Friday- we actually talked for a while, and a while the next night too...I was happy things were getting better, and he also said yeah, when we hang out we should just talk, and then he told me to call him the next night to see if that would work for him. Well, I called him last night and he was with his friends and we got in another huge fight...he didn't know for sure yet if tommorow would work and if not tommorow then Thursday. I got pissed cuz he was acting like an ass- but things went further this time. He had his mother call saying he was sick of it and didn't want anything to do with me and that if I tried his cell once more they would get a restraining order. I know we can't be friends now- and it is my fault for calling him when he was with his friends. It's like he either puts on a show to be really sweet to me or just is and then when he's with his friends that don't like me, hes an ass. Is there at least anything I can do right now that will get rid of all the hurt that has just been built up- so even though we aren't friends right now there will be a peaceful sense if he ever could bring himself to be my friend?
Sad to say, but I think you two are done.
You want to feel better, you will need to do that on your own since you can't do it with him. Find someone to talk with... a friend, a relative, your school psychologist, or even other professional counseling.
Try to think over the things that went wrong and see what you can learn from them. Getting into fights is never going to work out in the long run.
If you are still crying over this, my advice is to see a psychologist.
-- from George
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