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Jealous over internet accounts/communications



Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Female
Back in February of last year, I went onto a dating webservice for Jewish people because I wanted to be accepted by my family (I had gotten out of a divorce with a Jewish man one year prior to that). I never really wanted to meet with anyone, and noone really intrigued me except for one man, who was half Greek and half Bajan; we met through friends and were dating at the time of my webservice search as well. Even though he knew that we were just dating, one of his Jewish friends told him about my posting, and he saw it and confronted me with it. It hurt him really badly, and I was really sorry to hurt him. I apologized, immediately took my posting down and decided that I would begin to get serious with him. Since the following June, I had moved in with him, and have been disowned by my family because he is not a Jew. I've been really happy with him until September, when he left his yahoo! account open, and I saw women's names with titles like "my picture". He wasn't around, and my curiosity peaked.. so I opened it, only to find out that he's been sending his picture to other women online and they've been sending their picture to him. I confronted him by telling him that I didn't know that he has a Yahoo account, and he replied that he hadn't used th eaccount in years. I further confronted him to let him know all that I knew, and he finally admitted it, and apologized. I forgave him (at least, I thought so), and we've been having a really fun, happy realtionship since. So, I thought we were past all of this... until now. This morning, I saw that his Yahoo! account was open, and I freaked. I associated his using Yahoo with internet dating / flirting, and I don't know.. I just freaked. i got really mad, and jealous & disappointed. And now that we've discussed it, I feel like an idiot. I realize that I must still be jealous and that I must not trust him still-- after everything we've been through. I haven't been able to trust anyone since my divorce, and I finally thought that G was the one-- that he had broken through the barrier... and now, I'm confronted with the fact that I may not trust him afterall. I don't know how to work through this, but I really want to; he's really worth it. Can you help? Give me advice? Something?
The email conversation between us is below. I'm floored that I feel this way. What can I do to get over it?



-----Original Message-----
From: N
Sent: 11 mars 2005 12:43
To: 'G'
Subject: RE: AN ANSWER


I don't want you to have to file a report to me, and even moreso, I don't want to have to second guess you either. I must not trust you fully yet. I'm sorry. I didn't realize that before. I suppose that I wanted so much to trust you and to move on with you, that I never thought about whether or not I really ever got over the internet flirting thing yet. I'll have to think about this.

-----Original Message-----
From: G
Sent: 11 mars 2005 12:26
To: N
Subject: RE: AN ANSWER


Ah, I see.



I have about 8 email addresses. (Iím serious). I have @x.com, @x.com, @x.com, @x.com and @x.com which go into my Outlook.



And then I have web-based email addresses (Hotmail, Yahoo and Gmail) that I hardly use, but I use them sometimes, for various reasons. Not that I feel like I have to explain, but these include testing the Imviva platform, testing mail functionality, storing/transferring files so I can get them later, and even just going in to delete spam, like the 200+ messages I have in my Hotmail account right now.



I didnít realize I had to file a report to you in order to use a webmail account.



-----Original Message-----
From: N
Sent: Friday, March 11, 2005 12:10 PM
To: G
Subject: AN ANSWER



I didn't read anything because I didn't want to. But I also know that when the internet flirting was going on, you told me that you hadn't used your Yahoo account in years. Aside for the internet flirting episode, I believe that that you hadn't used that account for anything else in years. So, if you're using it again, I hope that you're not using it for internet flirting. You would really hurt me if that's what you're up to, and I don't know how I would react if I was ever faced with that again. So I want you to know that and to take that into account before you might be tempted to something like that ever again. I'm committed, and I expect nothing less from you. That's what's going on.



-----Original Message-----
From: G
Sent: 11 mars 2005 11:35
To: N
Subject: RE:

So?



-----Original Message-----
From: N
Sent: Friday, March 11, 2005 11:08 AM
To: G
Subject: RE:



You left your Yahoo open



-----Original Message-----
From: G
Sent: 11 mars 2005 10:55
To: N
Subject: RE:

Yes.



I drive without a license. I leave the dishes dirty. I donít floss my teeth. I donít shave. I work long hours. I donít eat properly.



But nothing I can think of that would make you upset in the way you were this morning. So what the f*** is this about?



-----Original Message-----
From: N
Sent: Friday, March 11, 2005 10:15 AM
To: G
Subject: RE:



Maybe YOU have something to tell ME. Are you doing anything that you think I might be upset with while I'm away? BE HONEST

-----Original Message-----
From: G
Sent: 11 mars 2005 10:02
To: N
Subject:

Are you going to tell me whatís going on or not?






RomanceClass.com Advice
From the email trail I see a couple that communicates very well with each other. That is the best way to deal with this problem. Have face-to-face honest meaningful conversations with each other that address this problem. You want to find out whether he is still flirting and then decide what he is willing to do to make you more comfortable. You also need to determine what you can do to have more trust in him.

Assuming that he assures you that he is not flirting, then you have to make the effort to believe him. When doubts and jealous thoughts come into your mind, just say to yourself "I am his girlfriend, he is not cheating, and he loves me." Keep doing this and soon those thoughts will go away.

Hope this works out ok for you,
George


-- from George
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com





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