Jealous over ex

Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Female
My boyfriend and I have been together for almost a year. We met when he was still with his ex of 6 years and started dating two months later after they broke up. He tells me he loves me and that I make him so happy and you would think that would be sufficient to calm my jealously, but everytime I see something of hers in the apartment or he mentions having talked to her it hurts so badly. I have been keeping it under control after several conversations with him and came to a comfortable level of understanding until recently when his grandmother died. I never met her or any of the family besides his mom and brother, so he told me he'd rather I wasn't at the funeral because he wanted them to meet me at a better time. however when he got the call we were in the car together. After telling me what had happened he cried a bit and then calls his ex to invite her to the funeral. Feeling extremely hurt and jealous, I got angry, but tried to suppress it. I feel unjustified in being angry but i don't know what to do with this hurt and exclusion from helping him grieve. Part of me understands, it is not my place to be there but why is it hers? He says it's respect for the dead and that his ex was a big part of his family. How can I drop this jealousy I feel out of respect for his situation? It is eating me away inside. Advice
You are justified in feeling hurt... and you are right about all the reasons you need to suppress your jealousy. On the other hand, you have been together with him for a year now and should expect to be the one he chooses to go with. Maybe his grief has confused him and drawn him back into the past for the moment.

So, I agree with you that you should suppress your feelings for the moment and take an opportunity a few months from now to bring up your hurt feelings.

Sometimes we have to make these compromises in life.

Best wishes to you!

-- from George
One of Your Friendly Advisors at

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