In love with a married man

Visitor's Question from a 31-40 year old Female
I am a single female in love with a married man "Sam". He is deeply in love with me too. We talk about the possibility of his getting a divorce.

He has a child, whom he loves very much and would never want to hurt. We have both have been thinking a lot about whether a couple should stay together for the sake of a child.

On the other hand, I grew up with parents who stayed together for the sake of the children and it was a very unhappy home. In the end they got divorced anyway and I think it was worse on everyone because they waited so many years. My father had a nervous breakdown and had to go in the hospital and then very shortly after died of cancer. Divorce does not cause cancer of course but had he been younger and stronger and not had the nervous breakdown...I just don't know. So the longer this drags out, I think the worse it will be for everyone.

Myself and "Sam" spend a lot of time together, and are initimate. I am certain his wife "Alice" knows what is going on. I don't see how she could be oblivious to it.

I feel I am going to go crazy in this situation.

Thank you for reading this and in advance for your reply

"Nina" Advice
It might depend on whether your lover has an amiable livable affectionate relationship with his wife. If he does, the child would be better off in a traditional two parent family. If he doesn't and there is friction, coldness, or bitterness in his relationship it may be better for the child to have divorced parents.

He should discuss this with his wife or they should get marriage counseling to help them make this decision. It is only fair to the wife that she should have a chance to get used to the idea before the ax falls. This isn't an easy thing to do, but the whole matter isn't an easy one.

Hope this turns out well for all concerned.

-- from George
One of Your Friendly Advisors at

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