What's with this woman?
Visitor's Question from a 31-40 year old Male
HI,i met a women we dated for almost 5months.When i met her she revealed that she had just broken up with her BF of 8 yrs and they have 2 kids together(yeah yeah i know what the hell was i thinkin).Anyway,i swore to myself i would never make the same mistakes i did in past relationships (jealousy,over analizing etc..)so i gave her the benefit of the doubt,and gave her a chance.Things were great,she was affectionate,nurturing,very intelligent,and up front and honest,we both loved eachothers company very much.Because she had 2 kids it was hard to really see eachother as often as we both liked.She acted like i was the best thing since sliced bread,always saying how much she missed me and thinks about me,even cancelling plans to go home because she didnt want to lose me or leave me.One night we were talking on the phone and she invited me to go to a friends Bday party,so i can meet some of her friends and vice-versa,i was thrilled and she seemed really excited about taking me.Heres the kicker,the very next day she calls me and tells me its over,she cant handle how ggod i am to her,she cant handle how much i care about her,it scares her to death she said,noone ever cared this much for her and she doesnt know how to handle it.One scary thing she did say was "if u treat me like crap im urs for life" DOH!! She also said she is afraid that im gonna move in with her and she will fall madly in love with me,only for me to end up hurting her by leaving cause i have no kids and would get sick of the situation.Also she tried rationalizing her decision by giving me ludicrous reasons like we dont like the same music,you dont read as much as i do,you dont like politics etc..i mean are those cop out reasons or what? Politics? from a female? never in my life!!That is the last thing on earth i am going to discuss with a women i hardly see,im absorbed in the moment man.I mean i am extremely hurt by this,i am walking in a fog right now and theres a black cloud hanging over my head,i really dug this women and it seemed she felt the same if not more and all of a sudden she drops this bomb on my head.My pride,my ego,my dignity is all shattered,im devastated,i have never been dumped like this and esp for some of the reasons givin,and to top it off i changed my attitude for the better and it ends up kickin me in the face,i dont get it,im am so miserable and depressed.can someone explain this to me? I am lost. thnx
This is very puzzling. But I've seen it happen before where one or the other of a couple gets cold feet after starting off spectacularly. I don't see any reasonable way out of this other than waiting a bit and then asking to see her again. She told you how to keep her and that is by treating her like "crap," but I wouldn't recommend trying to base a relationship like that.
Hope for the best and ask to see her again. You may want to ask her fairly forcefully since she seems to respond to overbearing males. But again, I advice against it.
Hope things turn out ok for you,
-- from George
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com