Be honest with her

Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Male
My ex-girlfriend and I broke up 3 months ago after a 4 year relationship. She is like a daughter in my family as I am like a son in her family. We have been out of school for 2 years now and I went ahead and bought a townhouse for us, and no she did not live there yet. Over the last 8 months, I have been too concerned about affording the house and engagement ring, I failed to show her all the affection she needed, and all the romantice dates in which now I could not afford.
We talk almost everyday, she even said I love you on valentine's day. Her whole basis is that she started to question if I was the 'one'. She has mentioned giving this another shot, but with 4 years of emotion and history, she feels we cant just start right back up. She told me this breakup was not to be single or even to hookup with other guys, but because she was not sure this was the right road to go down and until she can put all her neg. feelings from the last eight months behind her, she is just not ready for this yet. A lot of this probably has a lot to do with her parents being divorced and her making sure this is the right thing.

My question is this:
This girl is the 'one' for me. I love her so much. I took it upon myself to buy a house and save enough already to buy a ring. I want to be in her life however i can be right now, but how much is too much?? We probably will ALWAYS be close no matter what, but I dont want her to have in the back of her head, he is waiting for me. In other words, give her the comfort factor Im still there. Should I distance myself so she sees she may lose me, but then again if I distance myself too much, I slowly disappear from the picture.

Thanks for your advice! Advice
You should be honest with her. Tell her just what you told me. You need to be able to share such feelings because there are many, many feelings you will have to deal with if you get married. So be open and honest with her while avoiding pressuring her.

Good luck,

-- from George
One of Your Friendly Advisors at

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