Mother vs daughter-in-law
Visitor's Question from a 51-60 year old Female
I met my soul mate at 51, I'm now 53, he's 50 and disabled. We've been engaged for 1 1/2 years and about to be married. We moved to Florida leaving his parents in Kentucky. During this time his mom whom is 76 divorced her husband of 52 years and moved down so her son can take care of her. She's had congestive heart failure and diabetic. He calls her baby and says pucker up for a kiss at night by phone, he talks with her day and night. It makes me sick. I not a mean person.
They share money issues and finances. She helps him financially and he invest for her. He's her caregiver but she is not an invalid. There are other sons but he's her favorite. We are moving into a duplex so he can keep an eye on her. She said she only wants to do things with us. She's not making friends and depending on him for things she use to do for herself. She was in the hospital for a couple of weeks. What should I do? I am going to see a therapist but haven't yet. I think he's enabling her and the relationship is not healthy or is it me, she is elderly, and college educated. I think she 's more fit than she acts but I don't know. He says all woman have been jealous and even his dad was. She even wants to take trips with us but I want to be just with him and see her not very often, she seems sweet and ?.
Thanks so much
Thanks so much
You are in a very difficult situation and I don't envy you at all. You should see a therapist definitely so you can get professional advice on how to deal with this. Meanwhile here are my thoughts.
If you haven't already, have a long honest talk with your fiance about how you feel about his mother. You two should be able to set up some boundaries so that your future MIL won't make your life miserable. You need your own personal space and you also need quality time alone with your husband to be. This will mean sacrifices all around. Nobody will be perfectly happy, but you should be able to find some one that you are not be miserable.
If he won't discuss it reasonably then you ought to ask him to go to marriage counseling BEFORE you get married. Unless you are a saint, I wouldn't go into this without having a three way conversation so that you, he, and his mother have some groundrules. My best wishes to you.
-- from George
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com