Remain her friend
Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Male
I have read through almost everything about getting your ex back on this website but I want your opinion on my special situation. I've been dating this girl for 6 1/2 years and then she decided to break up with me. I dated when we were in high school and she was my first and only love. The problem was that I left her to go to college because I felt if i am going to have a future with this girl then I'd have to give her a stable one. I'd even asked her before I left that if it was ok for her. She said yes and reassured me that she would wait for me. School was 300 miles away and I came back every month to visit her. I would call her everyday and asked her how she was. Even though school we were apart but I felt the love was stronger than ever( or so I thought).. This went on for 2 years without any problem. The plot thickens as the last 6 months of my school things started to go sour. She had been meeting more friends because she was starting college. One day she called me pissed drunk and said she needed me to be there with her but i never was. I was really worried because she'd never been drunk before. In the summer, when I got back she broke up with me after an argument(I forgot to mention that I am a jealous freak and I have quick temper). That was 8 months ago and ever since I kept trying to get back with her every chance I could. All of which ended up in more argument. She told me that she still want to be my best friend but the romance stuff is over. I wanted to be her friend too but it's easier said than done. Everytime we had a chance together I would mention us getting back together. This made her to grow more distant from me. She does not pick up the phone when I call anymore (because I kept asking her her whereabouts and get jealous) and she's always out with her friends. She told me she did that because she does not want to think about this anymore. She also told me that she chose to move on already. But she 's still concerned with how I am like telling me wear warm clothes, eat more because I've lost a lot of weight, buying me clothes etc... She told me that she does not have enough feeling to get back with me because it wouldn't be fair to me. And because I was not here when she needed me. Also she wanted me to move on because she wants to move on. She told me to give up hope because there wont be happiness. Her family and my family all want us to be together. Her mom even talked to me to try to mend us again. I love this girl to death and by all mean I will die for her if I have a chance. I know she is the one and I know I've ruined it for us but I would do anything to get her back. Eventhough she said there is no love left but it is all subjective. I think one moment you could feel love for someone and the other you feel opposite if something have not gone the way you planned. It's like if I tell you your favorite singer voice is shaky when he sings then the next time you would focus only on that and not the complete picture. We have been through so much and right now she's only focusing on the lost feelings that she once had for me. Love is much more than that. It's not all about the feeling and chemistry. Falling out of love sometimes happens to nurture what you already have. It's like a death tree functions as ferterlizer for new trees. I want to be her friend now and help her with what she needs but how will that bring us together as one again? And how should I go on about doing that? I'm afraid that if I give her space she will be more distant from me because that was what happened when i left for school. Please Help Me!!!Your help is my prayer. I've been through hell the last 8 months.
You are lucky she still wants to be your friend because that means you have access to her to talk with and stay close. Don't be jealous and don't push her to renew your romance. That will just push her farther away. The nicer you are to her the better things will be. It is too bad that you two didn't choose the same college, as that would have kept you closer together. So, try remaining her friend and hope for the best, but be prepared to move on if things don't turn out in your favor. Sorry you are in this situation.
-- from George
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com
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