Tell her to cut it out
Visitor's Question from a 16-20 year old Male
My girlfriend and I are both in high school, so the flirting aspect of things in high school could be different then out of school, i'm guessing. She naturally finds it easier to have more male friends than female, so she talks a lot to other guys. I'm not a jealous person, and i have nothing wrong with her being friends, as long as certain things are kept in their boundaries. Recently we've become caught up in a situation which we can't resolve. She has a male friend, who is also a buddy of mine. It was brought to my attention by another friend that my girlfriend and Brian right letters in class. I wouldn't have a problem with that, but it's what they write about. Brian is a flirty guy, and i guess you can call him a typical "horn dog" when it comes to sex and such. My girlfriend and I are very open when it comes to talking about sex and we have no hesitations. But her and Brian have been writing letters to eachother about sex: How they like it, what positions, when, where, why .. all of the above. I've never read the letters myself, so i'm forced to worry if more was said, as in if they talk about sex with eachother. So i've tried talking to her about it but she doesn't seem to think that there is anything wrong with talking about sex with someone else. But that fact that she never told me this, and they have to write letters about it, really worries me. I've given examples of situations to try to show her my point of view, how i disagree that there's nothing wrong with it, but she doesn't understand. Our relationship can't continue with happiness if this continues, and if she has the outlook where those types of situations are harmless. At the same time i can see where she has a few points, how i shouldn't worry because she's with me. But then again, it appears slightly deceiving because she didn't have any plans on telling me herself. And with all that said, it makes me really worry, and lowers my trust for her, that if she thinks talking about sex with someone else is okay, what all else would she think is okay in doing aswell. It's complicated because I can agree with a few points of hers, yet I still have my worries. What should i be focusing on? Or what should i think, or say? I'd appreciate any help.
You have every reason to be jealous. Tell her that you are hurt by what she is doing. If she cares about you, she will cut it out. If she won't cut it out, then dump her.
-- from George
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com