Set a deadline
Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Female
My boyfriend and I have been together for about 7 months now ( I am about to turn 20 and he will turn 24) and about 3 weeks to a month ago we mutually decided to take a break from eachother, for the reason that we were not appreciating each other and taking each other for granted. So we thought that taking a break would help us both realize what we were worth to each other. We never said anything about the grounds of taking this break, but I know that dating someone else was not in the cards, and I would not it would be too hard. Well, let me just say that the last month has been such an emotional rollar coaster for both of us, definitly for me though. Well, we talk everday if not more than once a day. We have seen eachother a few time throughout the month. I have realized that I want to be with him and I want to fix things together. I miss him so much. But, on the other hand he will call me crying and upset because what we are doing is so hard. He tells me that he feels like a bad person and that he does not deserve me, because everyone that he is in contact with tells him that I am perfect and that he is such a lucky guy to have me. He told me that he knows that he screwed up and that it was his fault for not getting back together. He told me that he is scared to get back together, and when we do he wants that to be it, like forever (which I don't disagree with, we have talked a lot about getting engaged/married and spending the rest of our lives together. I feel like he is the one and so does he), and also that he is scared of losing me, he tells me that there is noone out there better than me for him. However, he does not want to rush into getting back together. I feel like we can't fix anything apart and that things are just getting worse when we are apart. But, for some reason he does not want to rush. I don't know what to do. I am hurting so bad, I feel like he is stringing me along for the ride, and I have felt so many things lately I am confused? I don't know whether to put effort into this relationship cause I am not getting much reassurance back. All I get is "we are almost through our hard times" and "I want to get back together", but other than that nothing! I don't want to give if he does not but he won't talk to me very much at all now. I feel like I always want to talk cause I want to know if he doesn't then I can move on and if he does then I will put in 100% effort into it. We still say I love you and we are still making Love. Please, help me!!! I don't know what to do?!!!!!!
Continue things the way they are, but gradually introduce the concept of a "deadline" (of course don't call it that). It isn't fair to you for him to act the way he is. The deadline should be something like a month for him to fish or cut bait.
-- from George
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com
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