Ex is dating her enemy
Visitor's Question from a 16-20 year old Female
My boyfriend broke up with me about three months ago, and afterward we had an on and off friendship. On rebound I started dating his best friend(stupid idea)- whom I didn't even like, but simply went out with in an effort to get closer to him, finally after a big fight between my ex and I we stopped being friends, and soon afterward my relationship with his best friend ended. My ex started dating an enemy of mine that I had told him if he ever dated her, I would not speak to him again- but already we were not on speaking terms. I found out about their relationship from a friend who came to me later on saying not to tell anyone that it was her who had told me about him and his new girlfriend because he apparently didn't want me to know. Well, now we are back to being friends- and I am pretty sure he knows that I still like him, because when we talk and he mentions an intimate moment or something along those lines during the time when we were going out- it hurts me and he can tell easily. He also doesn't talk to me about his new girlfriend because he knows it hurts me to hear about them, unless he is talking about her after a fight they have had. After hearing something from someone about his new girlfriend's plan of using him only so she can have a prom date and then dumping him(note: she is 2 1/2 yrs older than him) I had sworn this person not to tell him, but being he is somewhat of a good friend, I told him- please, do not get to attatched to her. For his sake of not getting hurt, and the fact that I still cry over him- about 5-6 nights a week, although most people told me I would get over it in about 1 month. Well, when I told him to not get too attatched- he became very upset and when I said- well I know you like her a lot- more than me, he said well at times yes, and other times no. But after this he went on to say that this same girl was the one who had persuaded and convinved him to break up with me, and if it werent for her we would still be together. WOW! I really couldn't handle this so I got of the phone with him and cried once more that night and didn't sleep at all. The next day when I asked him about it he shrugged it off saying he was tired, and unemotionally stable, and it wasn't her who had convinced him to break up with me- and that he had needed to. I don't understand how at times my ex can be the sweetest guy I know and talk about actually being with me again, but when he is around his girlfriend he either avoids me or gets irate when I try to talk to him. I've dropped suttle hints, such as I could never go out with a guy that has gone out with one of my enemies to see what his response is: and he says, well I think you should give the guy a chance to say that it was a bad idea and he regrets it, relating to him and his girlfriend who he knows I hate. We still have two - three hour conversations on the phone- sometimes more than twice a week, and we have a really good friendship, even when he's with his girlfriend he will stop whatever they were doing and have conversations with me that can last up to an hour but he is never as sweet when he's around her, more of an asshole, who acts like he couldn't care less if I jumped off a cliff, he has even started dressing differently for her, and confides in most of us that he hates the way she wants him to dress. because we are in a awkward situation with my parents who do not really want me talking to him- only I can call him- or else I would test this to see if he ever called me. I am still in love with more than enyone else I have ever gone out with- is there any chance of our getting back together, and how?please, he means the world to me
You are already doing the right thing... you are remaining his friend (and it sounds like you are his best friend). Keep this up and one of these days, hopefully soon, he will break up with the other girl who sounds controlling and he will get tired of her.
-- from George
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com