My Ex is Making Bad Choices

Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Male
ok my ex girlfriend and I broke up about a week ago. because, she told me that she needed to take care of her depression. that I understand, and was willing to do what ever she needed. but now she is going off to another guy and I've told her that he does drugs and drinks a lot. she doesn't see that he hasent change wich she said he has. I could prove to her that he hasn't changed. you can probablly tell that I wish I were still going out with her and want her back. right now I'm just being a good friend. what do you think I should do? keep trying for her or find someother girl who is better worth my time? Advice
She's probably attracted to that dangerous element in him, and thinks it's exciting. People do all sorts of bizarre things when they're in the rebound stage and this could be one of them. As much as you want to try to take care of an ex, a lot of times the more you try to shelter them, the more they do unreasonable things just to prove they can. Your best bet is probably to stand back and let her make her own mistakes, so that she learns from them. Part of life is having hard knocks and realizing that your actions were stupid.

I would still be there for her as a friend, if you can, but let her make her mistakes and learn from them. Go on with your own life too, and keep your eye open for a woman who can really be there for you and be a more equal partner in a relationship with you. As much as you can want to support someone else, you can't do that your entire life. The best relationships are about two people each giving, not about one person always giving and the other always taking.

-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at

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