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Visitor's Question from a 16-20 year old Male
Hello, my first girlfriend just broke up with me just about a month ago...
We are both our first, and her reason was that she didn't think she was ready for a relationship. When I asked to get more detailed explanations, she just said she thinks she rushed in to it, and didn't feel it anymore. She claims that it has nothing to do with me, it's all her, but, I don't understand how she could feel it one moment and not. The relationship lasted a good 5 months in total. She atempted to break up once at about the 3-4 month period, with the same reason. But I asked to try again and she finally accepted and we continued for 2 more months. Whe she wanted to break up the second time, she said she made her mind up for good this time. She said we could still be friends and so I accepted after trying to change her mind for a very long time. I tried twice since then to get her to give it one last try, both times she didn't change her mind. I asked her to tell me the true reasons why it had to happen, all she said was that she didn't feel it anymore, just like that, and it had nothing to do with me.
This is fine, but the thing I don't get is that during our relationship we were just fine, no fights, problems, no unhappy times. She would start acting wierd before she told me, like not calling as much and stuff, but only like a week before. The week before that she was just fine, she actually expressed her own feelings to me by her actions, which took her for a while to do, since we got together...
She said she was hidding it for like half of the relationship, but I don't get how she really be like that if she didn't feel anything...
She tells me that's the whole reason, and that she doesn't know what caused it, but that's the missing link that I don't get...if I only knew, I would feel much better...
I still love her, and planing to talk to her about it again someday, when things get settle down between us as friends, but, don't know how to get her to like me again, if she doesn't anymore, or get her to open up (she has a problem doing that) What is the best suggested stragety/tactic?
Valentines day is comming up, and I want to give her something, but don't know if I should do it openly (in person) or secretly (without name, just possible hint; suspicion) Don't want to lose the trust as a friend, and lose her anymore, but I hope to spark something by acting as if I am ok and have moved on... my hope is that she would eventually come out her self and talk to me about it...but I don't know what are the chances are...
I seek advise to get her to change her mind, or remind her of what she once felt... Advice
Seems like she has given your relationship several chances to become more stable but that something has interfered with her feelings. My sense is that you should remain friends and start asking her advice about other girls and how they might feel about relationships. If she wants to talk about this subject, you can determine what her own feelings are. My sense is that she will not be ready to reunite with you and that you should be ready to move on.

Good luck,

-- from George
One of Your Friendly Advisors at

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