Getting Over Senseless Jealousies

Visitor's Question from a 13-15 year old Male
I am in the best relationship of my life right now. She is the most precious woman in my life. My problem is that in my past I have been wronged by every girlfriend and even my brother. I have big issues with trust and jelousy even though deep down inside I KNOW she is faithful and honest with me, However, many times the jelousy and doubt overtake my thinking.

Please if possible inform me as to how I can rid myself of these sensless worries and doubts. How do I learn to trust her? Advice
It's very good that you realize that these are not warranted with your current girlfriend, and also that you have a real risk of harming your current relationship with this wonderful woman just because some other women in your past were jerks. It isn't easy to get over jealousy, but it can be done.

I have a set of pages dealing with jealousy -

in essence it's all in your mind. Your mind has been "trained" by these other women not to trust. You need to retrain your mind. Talk with your girlfriend and explain to her that you are going to try to do this, and that you need her help. That it will be a joint project to make your relationship even better.

Then actively work on it. Any time you start feeling jealous, realize it. If she's around, go give her a big hug and say "I was just thinking of how much I adore you." Because that's in a way one root of jealousy - the great love you have for someone and the fear of losing them. Remind yourself that she loves you, and you love her. And that that strength won't be harmed by outside forces.

So any time you feel a doubt or jealousy, think strongly, "SHE LOVES ME." And if she's around, reinforce that with a hug. She'll probably appreciate the extra attention, and if your mind starts making that new connection of jealousy -> don't worry, she loves me, it will fade away.

-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at

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