Jealousy and lack of communication
Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Male
i met this girl back in january at a concert, we started dating and the first few months was great, after awhile friction started, i really didnt like how flirty and outgoing she was because ive alwasy been the quiet shy not ver wild guy. i mean i knew she would never cheat just her actions and things she said made me uncomfortable, ive talked to her about it and she said thats the way she is, outgoin and wont change it that she loves me and theres no need to worry. that was on problem. the other is she still kinda imature, younger than me still in school only got to see her on weekends and she has a curfew, id like to have her stay late or even the night, not for anything sexual but cuddling and stuff. her parents love me so i dont see what the problem is other than her mother is pretty strict. with all this going on i tend to get on a one track mind thinking its not gonna work that she should changer her ways, but then again i thought well she is still young and maybe she will change once she get alil older. she went to a party and did something with a guy that she said was just a joke and meant nothing by it, and i have messed up once too i flirted with a friend of hers on the computer not knowing it was her friend and she found out about it. she never mentioned it to me before until i decided to call it quits with her sayint that we were in two different points of our lives that she needs to get the wild out of her. after that i saw a couple girls first one not even worth mentioning just one date..the second a nice girl wanted what i wanted so i thought, she was the type that would be there like i wanted, saw her alil less that a week and she stayed the night most of them, no sex happened. something wasnt right so i told her i didnt wanna see her again. i miss my ex and have communicated with her through email for awhile now..right after we broke up after the date with the first girl i knew i had made a mistake and emailed her bearing my heart and soul to her wanting her back..she says she still loves me but doesnt know if she could trust me and doesnt want a jelous guy. this past weekend we were both at a mutual friends house and hung out first time a i saw her in a month. she told our friends that she really misses me but doesnt want to rush back into things, and we have started communicating on the phone. its weird for me cause the last time i saw her we kissed and hugged on each other and now just being friends "taking it slow" i dont know what to do.. i want her back i really love her, yes her flirting if she still does it would bother me even though i know that she wouldnt cheat on me. and im not very good at expressing myself talkin always better at writing wich i have wrote to her already bout how i feel for her. im trying to work on talking but its hard to break the habbit i just dont talk much. i guess i just need some advice on how to get her back, get out of this just being friends thing and be a couple again. she knows how i feel and knows i want her back, apparantly we both miss each other..what do i do?
Get over your jealousy first off. It is getting in the way of a potentially good relationship. You can get rid of your insecurity by telling yourself "She loves me and wouldn't hurt me." Do this whenever a jealous thought enters your mind. Learn to talk about your feelings (and not just your jealous feelings). Nothing increases intimacy better than the feeling that you can tell your partner anything. In other words, trust.
Stay friends, work on those two things and I suspect you will be back in a solid relationship in the near future.
-- from George
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com