He's Dealing with a Breakup
Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Female
I've recently started dating a guy who was in a year long relationship that he said ended 4 months ago. Now he says he wasn't really over it until about 3 weeks ago. She cheated on him. We've been talking two weeks now, gone out 3 times and talked on the phone every day, sometimes up to 3 times in a day.
He says he's confused, doesn't know if he wants a relationship, and says we should just take it slow. I offered to leave him alone until he's ready, or just be friends, but he wants to continue on as we are...My question is, what does taking things slow mean?
It definitely sounds like he's being very wise. A relationship can take a while to get over, and while you're still recovering from a relationship (especially a bad one!) you can make some really bad decisions. It's not that you're a bad person at all! But it's that he wants to be sure how he feels about you is all about YOU and not just a lingering reaction to her. It could even be that he doesn't trust you right now because he still has an "all women are bad" lingering aftertaste from this other woman.
It's better all around if he gets her fully out of his head before seriously dating you, because you want to be fully cared for and thought about and trusted for what YOU are and not at all for what this last girlfriend was or was not.
So be his friend, hang out with him, talk to him and be there for him. Don't pressure him to kiss or hug or to be "boyfriend/girlfriend". When he's ready, he'll let you know. And by being there for him and patient until he is ready, you'll prove to him that you care about him.
-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com