Lying causes problems

Visitor's Question from a 31-40 year old Female

I was dating my boyfriend for a year and a half. We had both been in relationships that created trust issues and agreed that we would be completely honest with eachother. We basically told eachother anything the other wanted to know and asked about. A few weeks ago, I asked my boyfriend to go into my email to check it and he decided to start deleting old emails. I had a separate folder marked important and in that folder there was an email to an old friend about seducing him and him saying that he would not mind. I never told my boyfriend about this and he asked me if there was ever any interest. I always said no. I emailed my friend that question at a time when I had just gotten out of an abusive relationship, but we never did anything. He just emailed me a kiss a few weeks later, but we both realized that it was stupid and really started off as a joke. My boyfriend confronted me and I said that it was a joke, but didn't say much else and he broke up with me because that meant I lied to him about my friend each time he asked me. He has trust issues because his dad left him for another family when he was 13. I have emailed and called him to say I love you everyday since then. I know I need to move. His last email back to me said..basically youre a liar (mind you I never cheated on him), and that he can't believe me about anything he ever doubted. I'm absolutely miserable. Advice
Tell him that you were joking (again) and that if he can't trust you about it then he has broken your agreement about being honest. He sounds very immature to me. There has to be flexibility and understanding when being honest. His rigid interpretation about honesty is wrong.

Good luck,

-- from George
One of Your Friendly Advisors at

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