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Visitor's Question from a 16-20 year old Female
I am in the military and my occupation is such that I work around mostly men every day. I met one that was working the same profession as me in the building next to mine. We were located in the same general area, but had different bosses who sometimes interacted with eachother. Although we both worked for different organizations, they sometimes had to work together. Which meant sometimes we had to work together too. I began dating this man unexpectedly after a relativlely spontaneous sexual experience. In other words, a one night stand. I did not have intentions to see the man again but nevertheless, we began to have a romantic relationship. The relationship lasted two months. But in those two months, he stated that he was very interested in a long term relationship with me. He also expressed a lot of concern about me cheating on him, which were based on rumors that were not true. Our relationship became the hot topic at the job once it ended, which made things very hard to deal with. The relationship ended because he cheated on me and then lied about it. To this day, he maintains that he did not cheat on me, but i still do not believe it. I have been VERY emotionally traumatized ever since because i cared for this man very much. I have tried writing in my journal, reading self help and self esteem books, dating new people, making new friends, and i even considered being hypnotized to forget about this person. I just cant seem to do it. I think about him every single day. I recently saw him after about 6 months of not speaking to him except briefly on occasion. We talked about everything and he stated how sorry he was for the entire situation, and continued to reiterate his "feelings for me". I stayed the night and of course, another one night stand with him. The next day i felt cheated and used. I knew that he would just go back to not talking to me. During the time that we were apart he proceeded to badmouth me to just about ALL of our coworkers. I confronted him when i saw him last and he denied it. Recently i have heard that he is doing it again, even AFTER we had supposedly burried the hatchet. I am hurt by this and i told him that. I also told him that i didnt want to see him or talk to him again, and that it was best if he didnt call me. I know that was the right thing to do but i still, STILL think about him. I almost feel obsessed with the situation. I even moved away and got a new job. I STILL feel like i just want him to want me. I dont understand these feelings and why they are so strong for a man i dated for only two months. I have had much more serious relationships that have lasted for up to two years and they did not make me feel this way. My question is, is there a reason that i am obsessing about this for so long? Is there some kind of underlying problem that i might have?
Obsession is something difficult to figure out without a lot of discussion and dialogue. Since you are in the military, you have access to counselors who might be able to help you out. My advice is that you contact one asap.
-- from George
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com