How does he feel about marriage?
Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Female
I have been in an exclusive relationship with a wonderful guy for going on 2 years. I am 24 and he is 34, and although there is a big age difference we have a very deep connection. Recently we got on the topic about moving in together and I made a comment about not moving in until we are married. He told me he doesn't want to be married. I was very shocked and heartbroken as the words came out of his mouth. I asked him if he meant right now or if he was talking about ever, he went on to say he just doesn't want to be married. He had no reason behind this. He is a very independent person who has not been in a serious relationship before and we actually have come very far from when we first met. I dont know whether or not I should be patient and give him time and maybe he will change his mind about how he feels or should I open my eyes and realize that it is never going to happen. He has had a lot of bad stuff happen in his life. I am not asking him to marry me now, although I do look forward to it. I just want to know that there is hope for us. I get so upset when I think about this because I love him with my heart and soul and want to spend my life with him and I dont understand why he feels differently. And I wonder how it is he feels.
Can you please help? I need to know what direction to go with this?
You need to go two directions at once. First don't scare him off by pushing marriage too hard. But on the other hand ask subtle questions such as does he want to ever have children. Does he need more experience with other women before he feels comfortable choosing one (I bet you love that question :-) Also, since you don't know how he feels, just come out and ask him. Why doesn't he want to get married ever? And, if he just plain does not want to, whatever the reason, ask yourself if you could see yourselves moving in together forever. Or, perhaps he might find living together so nice that he will change his mind. Lots of hypotheses here but you won't be happy until you get to the bottom of it, so get to work.
-- from George
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com