Jealous over girlfriend's behavior

Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Male
Well, I did the thing I shouldn't have done... I logged into my girlfriend's account for one of those friends sites. You know, the sites where people make friends with people and display what they like to do, etc. I logged in with her password I wasn't supposed to have (yes, I kicked myself a million times already), and I discovered a lot of messages of guys hitting on her, saying she's beautiful and whatnot. That's fine, guys will do that. But then I found some messages from her saying that she thought they were "pretty hot" and "really good looking" and so on. I even followed a tread of emails in which she thought this one guy was hot and started talking to him and they talked about school, etc, eventually leading to where he asked her out to dinner (!). The tread ended there and I freaked out. I called her sister, telling her what I had done and how I freaked out. She calmed me down. (I even inspected some more and noticed how much older the guy was. Creepy-older.) I couldn't help it, and ended up telling my girlfriend the next day (bad idea) and she was upset, hung up. Her sister called me to talk to me about my problem (yes I will acknowledge that in the next paragraph) and eventually she called back, telling me I can't do this anymore, and that I need to trust her.

I feel completely awful that I did what I did. But at the same time, I discovered that she did in fact flirt with other guys, albeit, to no conclusion. Ok, I'm gonna stop dodging around. I get jealous like this, and I really want it to stop. What I want to know is do I really have the right to be jealous? I mean, on one hand, had I not seen anything, I wouldn't know. But the fact that I did see what I saw, is that reason to be jealous? Or is it like, self-fullfilled prohpecy? Or do I analyze everything too much?? Can this be fixed? I know that jealousy will lead to downfall..and I don't want that because I love her very much, as I know she does me. This sort of thing's happened more than once. I NEED to fix it.

Sorry for ranting. I don't think it's 8 pages.. Advice
I would be jealous if I found what you did. You need to talk with your girlfriend about why she is/was flirting online with other men. Is it a harmless past time or does it indicate a flaw in you relationship? You do need to trust her as this is one of the most important aspects of a good relationship. Promise you won't invade her privacy again. I am confident that you two will be able to work this out.

Good luck,

Happy holidays!

-- from George
One of Your Friendly Advisors at

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