He Got me Pregnant, Took Off, and now Uses Me for Money

Visitor's Question from a 13-15 year old Female
am 20yrs old and i happen to meet this gorgeous gy last yr at the start of february. He had asked my best friend out but it didnt work out as he wanted instead he came on to me since my friend told him that she needed sometime to get over her previous relationship. I took the pleasure.....i donno why i betrayed my friend but it just happened. so we had been going out then later i found out he had a girlfriend still in high school. I confronted him and he went like she was his ex girlfriend they no longer hanged out toghetha. So i took that n....our sex life was perfect....then it happened...i missed my periods and i told him so...he wasnt ready for that so he said he was gonna leave me and patch things up with the other girl. For real they hadnt been apart...he lied to me. So with that we broke up and it kept on happening several times that when we got back together, we would break up aftersometime esp when the other girlfrend was on break, high schol break and when she went back we would be togetha once again. av' been hangingin there till wheni couldnt take it no more when found out that the girl lived next door so i confronted her and we became friends. Actually i decided to change the story and told him there before that i had received my periods so that he daen leave me....all the same i stood by keeping the baby no matter what. We then went ahead and hooked up with him and asked him who he wanted to be with the rest of his life...and he chose her...i was hurt and decided i should move on...it was tough for me to an extent i was taking a razor and cut my arms several times...and theni would feel betta.

during that yr....on his bday, we had broken up but theni had organised a suprise party for him so the scheduled wouldnt change coz most of his friends and myne were invited. I called him and we had the party..there we patched things up....later we broke up again since i told him that i knew he was sleeping with her of which was true. That girl had gone to the extend of running away from school during the weekends to stay overnights with him....that hurt me...so much. I was depressed more than ever..at times he would bring her to my place and they would start kissing and touching each other to make me feel jealous. On my bday when we were togetha, we had made promises and deals that we would never part...he even told me the decision he made that dai on who he wanted to spend the rest of his life was not sincere since he didnt want to hurt her feelings...so he chose to damp me then since i would understand that. Actually we have broken up with him seven or more times and i think i have been so gud to him..its just that i cant let go...i prefer getting hurt and being in his life....but is that fair?this time we were apart...again. So when i was about to leave for the US( my home country is Kenya in Africa) he asked me bout the rumours he had heard about me being pregnant. I told him it was true...this was a dai before i took my flight and i was 7 months pregnant though it wasnt showing. All along i kept the whole thing in me since before he had rejected me...so i went ahead and told him that i would move on and raise my baby with the help of my sisters inn the US. He was like he wasnt ready to be a father but he accepts the responsibility then and that he loved me and would want us back togetha. I loved him so much to an extent i was to tear my passport if it mearnt being toghetha with him. We talked things outtt and i took him back in my life once more....i actually didnt know if he wanted me back becoz he loved me or becoz i was carrying his baby or becoz am gonna be in the Us to send money tc to him...he knew how much i loved him.

So i came here and got my baby....while in the hospital...i called him to let him know i got a baby boy...he person who asnwered his cell phone was the girlfriend, slyvia. It tore my heart apart...it mearnt they were togetha...i asked if i could talk to my boyfriend and she hang up on me....later i called him and told him what had happened and what he was doing with her..he said that he couldnt cotrol his urges and since i wasnt there...he found it safe taking slyvia as a pimp than sleeping around with anyone. I tok that in and had nothing to say...atleast he told me the truth...whats making me wonder is that is slviia trully a pimp or his girlfriend still. He calls me though, asks about his baby, gave his baby a name....etc he always contacts me to know bout his baby. IHe had taken me to meet his parents there before and i also did that though my dad did not like him becoz he had dreadlocks on....saying he wasnt the right person for me. He tells me that i should let him paly his cards welll and one day we gonna be togetha....that he will never break the deals we made on my birthday...i sent him the babys pics and myne too...i have sent him money, clothes, jewelery, shoes and other accesories. Im still hanging in there but confused a whole lot more....recently they shifted to the original home at a different town since before thewy used to live in an apartment. I dont love him becoz of his materialistic world but becoz of the way he loves....he treats me right. They aint even rich but i still love him deeply each day no matter how far we are apart. I have kept myself faithful to him, taking care of my baby. He took my virginity and i agreed to that since i knew he was the gy mearnt for me. So now, my question is, is he the right person for me ? Is he using me? does he love me? should i move on? But will my son have a daddy? The parents even went ahead to see my dad but unfortuanately that day he ahd travelled so they left for their home before meeting my dad. He says he wants to spend the rest of his life with me....am i risking for the worst? Is it that when we get together as a family, he is gonna hit on other girls?

will i live a happy life...thr all these? I had a boyfriend before him and i left him for this gy. Pliz help me, i feel i should be back to kenya and be with him, but my friedns tell me that maybe he will not change, or hasnt changed. I miss his so much. so many pple have asked me outt.....given me engagement rings etc but i cant leave my boyfriend in kenya. He was to come over here in january but he said i move out from my sisters place then he woould come in August....he said i needed to have an apartment of my own. i got a town house of which we will be sharing the bill with a friend of myne...when i told him i wazz moving out...he said that he wouldnt make it to comein August becoz his parents depend on him to drive them to most places...they are old....in their late 60s. He is 28 though....has a sister and a brother all older that him. He is the last born in the family. He said he would come over in december but only for a week. Actually i told him i was going to visit my country in december with my son and he said if i go, we would return to the US with him only for a visit then he would be back. i was disappinted becoz am trying hard to make him happy and be a family but he doesnt see that. I was like dont yu want to spent sometime with yua son and bond up...he actually needs to be close to him....he went like like he will soon be with me and that will be my joy. Help me..yu are the only pple i have turned to.....after so long and so much of depression. I need your help.

RomanceClass.com Advice
I read this over several times, and even asked a friend who had stayed in Kenya with the Peace Corps about it. We both have the same opinion. It doesn't matter WHAT country this guy in, he is USING YOU.

This guy has already proven to you that he cannot be faithful to you. Even when you have his CHILD and am sending him money, he's still sleeping around with other people! This guy is bad news. Yes, I know you're fond of him. That's fine. But being fond and letting yourself be used by him are two different things.

Remember, you have a child to support and care for. This child deserves an HONORABLE father to which he can look up. Being a good father has little to do with the actual sperm that created the baby. It has to do with being reliable, trustworthy, honorable and a good role model. This other guy is NONE of those things and I have to believe some of these other guys you know are ALL of those things.

Any money or gifts you send to this ex-boyfriend of yours are taking away from your own food on your plate, the clothes for your child, and your child's college education fund. Just think of how much money you could have saved away already if you hadn't been sending money off to fund your ex boyfriend's love nest!

It's time for you to make the break. Keep the fond memories of the fun times you had with your ex. But for your own sake, and for the sake of your child, start on plans for a *solid* family future going forward - and that doesn't include the ex. Your child needs a good role model.

Undoubtedly once you cut off the cash flow your ex will come up with tons of reasons why you should start again, and promise to come out and so on. That's what he's good at - using you. I would not let him come out to be with you. If he does, he'll probably not get a job and start sleeping with the babysitter you have for your son. Really, just let him go and move on with your life!

-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com

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