Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Male
Want my Wife back.
I have been with my wife for 3 1/2 years. In our first year of marriage, I hurt her 3 times, nothing serious, no punching, but I pushed her once and grabbed her to tight twice. I got help for my anger problems and that never happened again, and we were happy after that.
We argue like all couples, but I yell alot. I do not think I gave her the attention she needed some times. I was always jealous, because all my other girl friends have left me for other people and I did not want my wife to do the same.
I was raised up very procted, and I tried to do the same for my son. I kept my son away from her moms boyfriend because I thought he hated me. I did not realize that by doing this I kept my son away from his family, and I made my self look like I did not care for her family. It kept me from alot of family events. I thought I was doing right for my son but I guess not.
The last few months we have been really far apart from each other. She tried to tell me a few times about what was bugging her, but I ignored her. She was yelling and very angry and was talking about divorce everytime. I blocked her words out and never really listened to the real problem.
One day she was up and gone. It took me a few days to get her to tell me what I was doing wrong. I worked on my problems and fixed them. I now asked her for another chance, but she said she is ready to move on and only wants to be friends for my son.
I love this girl and I never meant to hurt her. I want our family back and I want to prove to her I am a better man now and that if we work it out we can be happy again. She is afraid I won't change and that she will never have feelings for me again.
I have been depressed lately. I have been trying hard to win her back though. Maybe trying to hard and being to pushy. I call her alot, bring her lunch at her job, give her flowers and candy. Am I not giving her the space she needs and am I pushing her away?
How should I approach getting her back, slowly, without being pushy. How do I show her that I am strong and changed and that I want her back, without seeming desperate?
How do I fix my life?
Sounds like you are aware of your problems, but have not solved all of them. Ignoring your wife when she wanted to talk about divorce is an example. What you are trying to do is fine unless she complains about what you are doing. How is she reacting? You need to pay attention to how your behavior affects her. That seems to be the key to the problem. Remember that good communication is a cornerstone of a good relationship. Try to put yourself in her place.
-- from George
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com