Confronting a Girlfriend about Known Cheating

Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Male
I have prove that my girlfriend is cheating on me. I went online with her password and went through her e-mails. She doesn't know that I did this. I love her and am willing to forgive her before she gets serious with this person. How should I confront her without letting her know that I was snooping around on her? HELP ME PLEASE!! Advice
That's a tough situation to be in. Read in my How-Tos about how to set the stage for a serious talk, so that you both are calm and relaxed and ready to at least give the talk your best shot. And then simply tell her that you *know* she has been cheating with this guy. That you love her very much, and want to work through the issue.

If she tries to deny it, just stand firm and say that you know, and that you need to work through a solution to the problem. Also, you need to hear what drove her to cheat, because if you two had been perfectly happy she wouldn't have started down that path. So something was bothering her, and instead of talking to you about it she ended up with someone else. So the cheating is more a symptom of a serious problem in your relationship than the cause.

She may just be relieved that she doesn't have to lie any more and come clean. In any case, the fact that she could lie to you to protect herself again means that there was a big gulf between you, that instead of it being you two as best friends against the world, she was choosing herself and her own interests against you.

There's a lot here for you two to work on, especially if you don't want it to happen again the next time she feels uncomfortable or upset. You really have to practice *talking* and communicating, being best friends and sharing everything with each other. That way if things start to falter again, you talk with each other about it and fix it before it gets to this stage.

Good luck!

-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at

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