She's Got a Boyfriend but is Flirting with Me

Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Male
The last 4 months ive become really good friends with this girl in my I.T class in college. We have really hit it off but she has a boyfriend. I feel that she does like me she always asks to meet up during free periods. Over christmas she went away on holiday and when she got back she found out her boyfriend had cheated on her. She told me about this and asked for my advice on if she should go back with him. I wanted to say no! But i thought if i did and she took my advice and afterwards she wished she didnt she may blame me for i just told her id rather not say!

She got back with him that weekend. The other week she invited me around to her house after college and we just talked. I really dont know if she likes me. I get signals from her like when we talk she looks me in the eye and there's a sparkle, and sometimes she plays with her hair when were talkin and she touches me palyfully hitting me when i taught meant her.

People in college keep askin me if were going out cos were always seen together in college. I really love her i dont know what to do. Should i tell her how i feel or wait and see how things go? Advice
It was a really good idea for you not to tell her to break up with him. You're right, she would always think afterwards that you made her break up, and if you had any sort of fight she'd use that to say "well it's your fault ..." You don't want that kind of a wedge in your relationship!

It does sound like she likes you a lot, and that she's not extremely happy with her boyfriend. The thing is, just like before, if you try to break them up you'll always be "the one who caused her to leave him." And any time you have even the slightest bump going forward she'll thing of all the *good* things about her previous boyfriend (forgetting of course the bad things he did) and wish she was with him. This can make the relationship fail pretty quickly.

It sounds like you've been a great friend to her so far. So I'd keep on being there for her, talking with her and showing her you care about her. At some point soon she should wise up and realize she has two guys in her life - her boyfriend who cheats on her and doesn't treat her well, and you, who treat her very nicely. As long as you don't pressure her, and are just *there* for her, it's an easy choice to make. If you start to pressure her, she'll probably retreat. So give her time to make the decision on her own, and be there for her.

Good luck!

-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at

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