He Won't Call Me
Visitor's Question from a 13-15 year old Female
i just recently transferred to a public high school midsemester, after being at an all girls private high school for 3years. this past month i've been there, i've only really talked to guys. there is this one guy i really do like and during the break he told me to call him. i did, and he was really quiet, so i told him i had to go and to call me sometime. well...we returned to school and he didn't call me.
i kinda joked around with him about it and was like "so you're actually gonna call me sometime" he smiled and chuckled a little. i waited all week for him to call..but nothing. then that friday of coming back, i go to his basketball game and he smiles at me and makes really short convo. i get kinda sad coz i went to see him and he's kinda ignoring me.
so i go home and get my pj's on and my cell phone rings and its him! and he asked if i wanted to do something with him. as much as i wanted to..i said no. the next night i had work till midnight and during the whole shift he kept calling to beg me to hang out. i finally give in and see him for about an hour. when i told him i had to go, he kept "falling asleep" on me and wouldn't let me go and kept telling me not to leave. i leave and hug him goodbye. it was nice...
so monday rolls around and i talk to him during my 1st period class and walk with him to 2nd like everyday. it just seemed like nothing had happened a few days before. he does stuff like this to me all the time. really flirt with me...then at school, i'll be talking to him during lunch and he'll always cut it short. him or his friends are always the ones approaching me..but if its like for more than a few minutes..he leaves. its so confusing!
also my cousin has a class with him and i guess he's always asking her questions about me. my cousin approached me the other day and asked me if i was going out with him coz he's always talking about me. if he's talking about me and flriting with me..then why isn't he going the extra distance? like walking me to class, or calling me more? if he really does like me..wouldn't he try harder..or is it still too early to stress coz we aren't really good friends yet? i dunno..please help!
You'll find in flirting that there is a very big difference between how someone will act when they're alone with you and how they will act when the world is watching. It's not just guys that do this - girls do it just as badly. It has to do a lot with self esteem. If you are sure of yourself, you don't worry about everyone judging you all the time and what they think. But if you don't have a lot of self esteem, which is probably 99% of teenagers out there, you worry what the other people will think. Meaning you are VERY cautious about being overly friendly with The Opposite Sex in public areas.
So it sounds like this guy is simply a typical teenager. He likes you, and when he's not feeling like he's under a microscope, he can show you how he really feels. But he doesn't want his buddies thinking he's a whipped boy! So any time he's in public, he makes sure to show that you really don't mean that much to him.
Just give him time. In essence, he has to decide at some point that he cares about you enough that he *doesn't* care what his friends thing or how his friends will tease him for hanging out with you. That's a big hurdle for many people to cross. Call him and email him when you want to, and when he calls and emails back, be friendly. But if you pressure him too much when he's around friends he may think of you as too "intrusive" and back off. He needs to make this transition slowly. Patience will work best!
-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com