Long Term Boyfriend and Short Term Lust
Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Female
I have a boyfriend and we've been together 2 years but in the past 6 months I've gotten really bored and I don't feel how I once did. Our sex life isn't great either. I ran into a childhood friend a couple of weeks ago and we've been talking for about a week now but it's hard to tell if he likes me. I really like him and I already want to see him all the time. I haven't told him how I feel because I want to know how he feels first. He calls me and talks to me for a little while and we hang out but he always keeps me waiting and it drives me crazy. I saw him for about an hour tonite cause he was going to a bachelor party and said he would come over afterwards but I still haven't heard from him and it's 3:30am. Don't get me wrong he calls late but I don't like that. We haven't slept together cause I don't want to mess anything up and he hasn't pressured me to at all. I just really want to know if he likes me the way I do him or am I wasting my time. I'm very attracted to him and it's hard for me to control myself but I do. How do I find out how he really feels without coming right out and asking. I don't want to scare him off.
Well first, your relationship with your boyfriend sounds normal. Lust doesn't last forever! However, love is far better than lust and can last a lifetime. Lust just can't. It sounds like this new guy coming into your life got the lust going and now you're trying to decide between jumping for lust or staying with the real love.
I would highly advise you not to go for lust. You can always get lust. Lust is available in any bar, on any street. But long term love is REALLY hard to come by. Finding someone you're happy with for years is very difficult. It's not the rush of lust, but it's far more satisfying over the years. He'll be there, you can depend on him, you can trust him. And he feels he can trust you.
Don't betray that trust. If you're thinking you aren't happy in the relationship, address THAT issue. Don't start looking for a new guy before you even ended the current relationship! That's going to hurt both you and him, because it's indicating you cah't be trusted in a relationship.
Sit down with your current boyfriend, and discuss it. If you want to leave, tell him. If you want to work on things, tell him that. But to just decide to start putting your attentions elsewhere, while he's still thinking you two are working as a couple, is a huge violation of trust.
-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com