My Ex-Wife Returns to me, then Leaves Again
Visitor's Question from a 31-40 year old Male
About two months ago my ex-wife came to me and said she thought her current husband was going to leave her and that
she had been praying for three years for her and I to be reconciled, well he did leave and we did get back together
and we went a lot farther than we should have since they were still married, she put my wedding ring back on and apoligized for ever leaving me, and on Christmas day she told our daughter that God had answered prayer and put her family back together.
Then right after christmas she started withdrawing from me and is planning on going back to her current husband and telling me I misunderstood the whole thing that she just wanted to be friends with me the whole time.
What's the deal?
Wow, this woman really needs to get her priorities straight. Playing with your mind is one thing, but to play with her daughter's mind like that too??
I think the key is that she thought her husband was leaving her. She felt alone and abandoned, and you were her safety net. She said to herself, "Even if my husband leaves me, it'll be OK, I can just go back to my ex!" She was so happy that you would "catch" her as she fell and started going around assuming that would be the case.
But undoubtedly the spat she had with her husband resolved itself, as they usually do. And staying with her husband is much easier than going through the mess of divorce, and going back to you, and having to explain all of that to her friends and family, and dealing with how to move all her belongings and everything else. So when her husband said "I didn't mean it, dear, I love you," she probably cooed right back to him and figured everything she'd done before to you and her daughter didn't really matter anyway, because she'd just been thinking along those lines "in case".
But of course it was VERY wrong for her to use you as her fall-back position and even MORE wrong for her to drag your daughter into it emotionally. And it's worse for her to now lie about what went on, after having said and done all those things. The least she could do is admit that she was feeling abandoned before and had *thought* about coming back, instead of just denying any of it happened.
I would have to bet if she does this once that she'll do it again if she and her husband fight again - that she'll figure you're there for her as her safety net. I doubt she's doing it maliciously to hurt you, it's a pretty normal sort of thought process, but she did end up hurting you and your daughter because she thought only of herself during that time. I would be more cautious in catching her the next time around. If she's having troubles with her husband, she needs to work those out. Either she resolves them, or she doesn't. If she doesn't and actually leaves him, that's one thing. But if she uses other people while she *thinks* about what her options are, that's just wrong.
I'm sorry you had to go through with that, and hopefully you'll find someone more deserving of your care and concern in the coming year!
-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com